It was years ago before I came, five months ago, and said I am back. Now I am back, again. Am I really back, back? I said yes five months ago and it became a no. So let us not get ahead of it. It is yet to be seen if I am really back, back writing on Hive. The thing is, I am here, now. So howdy again, folks?
What made me come back now? Three funerals in a week. I wanted to write about what's running in my head from those events. Well, I wrote a couple of short articles on Facebook. I thought I'd expound in here.
"No adda matay sa tayo lang agkikita..." - A line that I hear in almost every funeral that I attend. "We meet only when there is death."
In the Cordillera region, it is common to have a "program" during funerals to lighten the mood. With or without MC, people would talk or perform in front. The speaker or performer would usually start introducing him or herself and stating his or her relationship with the dead. Then the entertainment would follow, either eulogy, puzzle, joke or singing. I haven't seen dancing in a funeral. Maybe yet.
At the wake of a batchmate's mother when that batchmate said "No adda matay sa tayo lang agkikita..."
In one of the recent events I attended, people were called to "show up" from the back to the front row and we did our part for the talk or performance. When the turn reached the front row with one of the immediate family members of the dead, she admitted not knowing her (our!) distant relatives who spoke earlier even when these people she does not know are very active and the ones who show up. My mind was like "Where have you been?"
That reminded me of a neighbor's funeral I attended more than a year ago. People introduce themselves and how they are related to the dead, claimed to be from different provinces, and others would comment on their seats. "What? So we are relatives and I am meeting you only now?" With such realization someone said that funeral becomes their reunion. The rest of the speakers who found their relationship with the others followed suit with "Indeed, this funeral is our reunion."
I was itching to have my turn to speak and ask the people. "Is this the kind of reunion you want? You get to know your relatives, even very old ones, only when someone dies?" It was a good thing that there were many relatives of the dead among mourners, taking turns to speak so I did not persist for mine. I just hoped that those people would realize that they need to reconnect not only during funerals.
We got out of the chapel for the photo shoot. The chapel was to our eleven o'clock.
It is good to go to funerals, even uninvited, and sympathize with the bereaved. But wouldn't it be better to show up during happier times? I asked that to myself during the wake I attended on these photos. We knew the mother of our batchmate was sick, having dialysis, for few years. A few times we talked about visiting her. It never happened. Until her funeral. The dead will no longer appreciate our presence and we did not contribute to easing her pain. While supporting the bereaved family helps, I believe it makes more sense to extend support while the sick or the needy is still alive.
It is ironic that many reunions happen not at special occasions like weddings, birthdays or simple get-togethers but at funerals. More often, people say they are too busy. There are always work, errands, responsibilities. Endless excuses stack up. Invitations or plans to reunite are either postponed or ignored. We promise to catch up sometime, but that sometime never seems to come - until death forces our calendars open. What's worse? There are people who are still too busy to show up even during funerals.
Then finally we gather, not in laughter, but mourning. It is only then we realize how little time we really have. Or do we really realize that even at a funeral?
Funerals should not be the regular or common time to reconnect. We need not wait for loss to remind us of the value of presence. Make time - before it runs out.