There's a popular saying that goes thus..."Every disappointment is a blessing". But I guess, to see it that way will be a little hard, cause there are times things that will make you question your worth will happen, things that will cut you, deep things and all. I know what am saying, I have had my experiences too, and it hit.
So, I was seriously ill, that illness took longer than we thought, hospitalized and bedridden for years, I was weak, exhausted and drained of every form of energy, I lay there, longing for familiar faces to brighten my mood. Then, all I wanted was the comfort of family, and everyone was there, except my closest brother. We were always close, and I had no doubt that he would come around, even if just to sit by my side for a day or so. But days passed by, he never showed up. I kept waiting, convincing myself that maybe he was busy and needed some time. But days turn into months and he wasn't anywhere to be found.
What made it hurt the most was because, friends and family members from away made the effort to come check on me since it was taking longer than we all thought, people I never expected showed up. Yet, the one person I wanted to see most couldn’t make it. People tried to talk to him, hoping he would realize how much his presence would mean to me, but it didn’t change anything. No call, no text, no visit nothing...well maybe he reached out to my parents. But I really appreciate those who stood by me, especially another brother of mine, I never thought he could stand by me like that, and I am always indebted to him.
His absence broke me, what could he have been so busy with, from where he is to where I was was less than 5hours by road, I can't seem to understand why, is it that he did not care, it can't be that I offend him, and if that is it, that's not important in this situation, there are times I lie aweka on the hospital bed feeling pained not because of the illness but the ache of being disappointed. I do wonder if anything bad has happened and I have gone to the great beyond, will he come around for the burial, is that love. It took me time to understand that there are times people won't just don’t show up the way we expect them to, not because they don’t love us. Maybe he was dealing with something I didn’t know or he didn’t understand how much I needed him or he thought everyone is around me already, so I might not need him. Whatever the reason, I had to let go of the hurt and embrace the ones who actually made the effort.
I later made peace with the situation after I got well. I chose to focus on the blessings, and that experience taught me to appreciate people who showed up without needing to be begged or convinced.
Also, I have disappointed someone too, I have a friend if mine back then who really needed my help, I knew I was the only one he was counting on. She was going through a financial crisis and she reached out, hoping I could lend her some money. As at then, I didn’t have much myself, and I was just too embarrassed to admit it. And I gave her a stipulated time, she was expectant and kept reminding me, I also thought something would have dropped in my account before then also, but, things happened then, and it seems that time was the weapon fashioned against me, I myself find it hard to eat twice in day, and instead of me to tell her the truth, I kept giving excuses, dodging her calls, and pretending to be too busy to meet up. Eventually, she stopped trying, and I knew I had let her down.
After about a month, I found out she managed to get help from someone else, I felt guilty, though I went up to her told her how tight things were for me then and apologized, she's a very sweet soul, the way she responded to me made it obvious that she wasn't angry with me, she understood too, but she was really hurt. There are times we disappoint people not just by not being there physically but also by not being honest about our limitations.
Disappointment can be given and also received, it(disappointment) just has its own way of teaching us hard and bitter lessons, it tends to reveal to us the gap between what we are expecting and the reality of things, it made us face and confront our fears. We get hurt and that's alright, we hurt others, we should also admit that truth. What really matters is how we choose to grow from it, either allow it make us bitter or more better.
In life is embedded disappointment, we can't run away from it, it will come to teach us, to redirect us, to open our eyes to things, just that most times, we often do not like the situations it would make use of.
Never allow disappointment break you, but rather, allow it mold and shape you into a stronger and better person. When people do not meet up to your expectations or when you also fail others, theres always a blessing or a lesson in it. People or those we expect won't be always there for us, its just life being itself, but those who truly matters will always find their way in ways we least expect.
All pictures are mine.