I think that I am now a single father. I am looking at my precious girls as they drift off to hopefully dreamless slumber on the hotel bed next to mine. As they sleep, I must plan.
We are in a cheap, but, reasonably safe hotel that I used to work at. It was our only option that was affordable and safe to stay the night in.
I don't know how things got so bad, so quickly, but, as I look back, I think this is the only way it could have gone.
My wife is addicted to materialistic persuits, where I am minimalistic and more simple. She told me a week ago that she had spent about $2000 that belongs to her workplace. She used grocery store gift cards that were meant for her clients to make these purchases. Her clients won't go without because of this, I am just noting it.
Her work is doing an audit right now and they found out about the gift cards. Now it is only a matter of time before they discover what has happened and fire her and probably get her arrested. She is already on probation for theft. She says she used the money for food, but, I don't see how. We don't eat extravagant foods and we have $600+ in food stamps every month. Together, we make almost $5000 a month. Anyway, I didn't even know about the scale of this until last week. I thought we were doing fine. Now it is too late.
We were supposed to move into a new place tomorrow. We bought chickens!
That's not why I am in this hotel room. Her friend, whom we were staying with until tomorrow blames this all on me because I couldn't work for two months because of a license suspension I had to resolve. So my wife tells me that they found the empty gift cards and her friend says
" This is because you didn't work!"
I told her to shut up about things she knows nothing about and she invited me to leave. My language and hers may have been a little more cursey;)
At that moment, my wife just walked out of the house, with no phone and no purse and I told the girls to get some stuff ready and we left to go looking for my wife. I was thinking she was suicidal or something and I was worried. I went driving to find her, but, I couldn't, this is a big city.
We went back to the friend's house and I sent the girls in to get some warm clothes in case we had to sleep in the car. My wife was there and wanted me to leave and not the girls, but, she is anything but stable and she doesn't handle things well. There was no way I was leaving them with her.
My Conundrum
I love my wife, the girls love her too. She is sick or something and I don't know how to help her. I have been putting up with this self sabotage for more than a decade and it hurts the whole family. We have been homeless more than half of the time we have been together and it is because of this constant buying of things we could do without. We have a large storage unit packed to the rafters. I am not putting all of the problem on her. I have had difficulty earning money some of the time. There were points where I could have gone to work that I didn't. I couldn't. I have had periods throughout this time where I have just felt too beat down to do anything. It seems that every time we make progress, she throws a wrench in the gears. I am so tired of being the rock, but, luckily, I have stamina.
I have felt like the girls' only parent for a long time. My wife usually leaves for work before the girls wake up and, when she gets home she sometimes makes dinner then takes her cocktail of Ambien and three anxiety pills and passes out. If she is awake, she is on Facebook.
I have tried to call her and she won't answer. I have appealed to her by text, but, no response yet. I will appeal to her again in the morning, then, I have to get emergency custody of the girls. We will most likey head to Florida after that. My job can transfer me anywhere. I don't want to leave her, but, I am running out of options. We never got the chance to talk because her friend had to be heard.
This is not an appeal for money, though, I have damn little. If you want to help me, cool, if you don't, cool. I got this. Advice is appreciated as well.
Hopefully, she will come to her senses. God will show me.
Really just trying to document my thoughts right now. Thanks for letting me vent