After reading a snippet of Susan Schwartz's "The Absent Father Effect on Daughters", it dawned on me that while a daughter is perceived to feel the father's absence so much, the son is more of risk. many times, the society thinks the boy child is strong and "he can always take care of himself" but that has not always been the case. Being a teacher, I have the privilege of being around young boys and girls and I do create some special moments we do the boys talk and it's always vey inspiring and emotional.
While musing on the words of Susan Schwartz's in her book, I took some briefs to think about myself as a young man, reflecting on the relationship I had with my father and imagining a future with my son. The words of Schwartz made so much meaning and I could understand deeper what it means.
The absence of a father in a young boy's life can cast a long shadow which is capable of influencing his emotional, social, and psychological development in ways that persist well into adulthood. While each child's experience is unique, there are common threads in the journey of boys growing up without fathers.
Talking about the effects of an absent father to the boy child may not be very be meaningful until we understand what true fatherhood means for the boy child. A true father is an identify bearer and the first model for living that the boy child should know. many times, sons get to learn the "man-life" or "bro code" from his peers and many times, such knowledge could go extremes.
The father's presence around the son is what defines courage, faith and hope especially when the boy sees and understands how and when his father navigates his way though diffficult situations. I remember days in my toddling age I would be very afraid of the dark until an evening when I had to run an errand for my dad. When he noticed my dragging feet to dare the dusky night, he offered to go with me. That one walk with me that night redefined courage.
When a Father is absent...
The male child would be emotionally vulnerable. A father’s absence can often leave a gap in emotional guidance. Fathers are traditionally seen as role models who provide a sense of security and identity. Boys without this presence may struggle with self-confidence and emotional expression. They may experience feelings of abandonment, which can lead to insecurities and a deep-seated fear of rejection. You may have to re-read my personal story above. Studies have shown that children from father-absent homes often have a higher risk of developing anxiety and depression, as they lack a dependable male figure to turn to during times of emotional stress.
An absent father leaves the male child with identity and masculinity struggles. The journey to understanding masculinity can be challenging without a father figure. Trust me, its nothing like the "girly days". No!, discovering masculinity and the man-identity is a hard one especially in a world full of competition and threats. Boys tend to learn about manhood by observing and mimicking male role models. Without a father, they may feel uncertain about societal expectations of masculinity. They might absorb skewed definitions from media or peers, which can lead to exaggerated or even toxic behaviors. This confusion often leads to a fragile self-identity, as these young men struggle to define what it means to be a man.
The absent father makes the male child vulnerability to peer pressure. As I said earlier, boys without fathers may be more susceptible to peer influence as they seek belonging and affirmation. yes, the boy child needs affirmation od regular basis to discover and rediscover himself and live in the light of that discovery. Where the father is absent, this can lead to negative behaviors, such as substance abuse, delinquency, or gang involvement. Without a father to guide and instill values, these boys may turn to peers to fill the void, sometimes at the cost of their own well-being. Peer groups can become both an influence and a surrogate family, steering them in directions that may not align with a positive future.
The absence of a father would make it difficult for the male child to form relationships. Many boys in father-absent homes lack an example of healthy male-female relationships. They may struggle with trust, communication, and intimacy as adults, as they haven’t had the experience of witnessing a committed and healthy partnership. This often result in abuse. For some, this manifests as a fear of commitment or avoidance of emotional vulnerability, while others may have difficulty expressing love or understanding mutual respect in a relationship.
Don't leave your boy child without a father or father-figure
We understand that many things could lead to the father's absence,. Tragic events like death could be one of such reasons, however, the boy child should not be left alone to grow without a father-figure. Thus is to help provide mentorship, encouragement in difficult times, and guidance for purpose pursuit. These are key to help the boy child develop courage and self-worth.
Every young man deserves a foundation of support and love; by providing these, society can help fatherless boys reach their potential and transform their circumstances into success stories. remember, the boy with a father would not dread the dark nor the storm.