Image belongs to meMany times, I have asked myself if being an introvert is a disease because I have had to limit myself to certain things and would always use the excuse that after all, I am an introvert. Just like every other introvert who is calm, and gentle, loves staying indoors, enjoys their privacy, do not like too many outdoor parties or entertainments, all of these were my restrictions because of my personality.
All my life before things changed, I didn't go out except when someone decided to go with me. To get something alone across the next street would always be a problem unless I go with someone or perhaps send someone to get it for me. While growing up, I have always enjoyed sending my siblings on errands while I stayed behind doing other things. I exercised my seniority power over them and there was nothing they could do. Most times, I bribe them especially when they insist or are bent on not going. It was a tough battle and my fear at that time.
My fear all the time was going out alone and this is one reason I don't know lots of places. When my mom was still alive then and when we were going to shop, I would make sure to finish up chores at home so I could follow her instead of going to meet her later which would make me the only one walking through the streets full of people. I was just so shy and it made things hard for me.
When my mom died and was staying with my Dad, he would be the one to go to the market to get stuff to cook while I stayed at home waiting for him to return so I could prepare something for us. When days, when Dad would not have time to branch the market came and before he would have finished his stories and let me know why he wouldn't be able to get those things we needed on time, I would let him know that I was fine and that I could wait till he returned and before I know it, I would be feeling hungry. Still, it won't make me step out of the house by myself.
The day I had to face my fear was when I had no choice and Dad was not feeling fine too. He begged me to go to the market. It was as if the day should never come. It was so hard that one would think I was going to die if I stepped out. I couldn't refuse it. I was afraid and fidgeting that day and all I needed then was a power to carry me to the market and bring me back home. That day, I gathered the courage in me and stepped out.
I took my bath, got dressed and started the journey. Unluckily and unfortunately for me, there was no bike around to take me to the main road where I would just cross over the expressway and find myself in the market. I trekked for over thirty minutes, passing by different people, bowing my head down and my legs crossing each other at intervals, one would notice I was scared to the brim on this day, but since that time, the fear of stepping out varnished.
Image created on BingIt was around that time I got a teaching job and would walk down to the school every day, this helped me fight off my fear completely that I don't need anyone to tag along whenever I am going out except if they want to. Even when I went back to school for my degree, the fear wanted to return, you know, finding oneself in a new environment, I fought through and did not need to be afraid of going out by myself.
Today, I don't feel shy whenever I want to go out. When I feel like taking myself out, I go and return home. I saw that the fear in me shouldn't have been there for an introvert because no one is looking at you, everyone is minding their businesses and no one has time to see who is passing by.
Though it was a big fear for me then, I was able to face it and fought myself through it. I realised I am the only one to navigate this life without relying on anyone to be around me, so do I need to always beckon on people especially passers-by when I need to get something for myself? No, I had to do it! I still feel like locking myself indoors sometimes and the fear trying to show but it isn't like before and I am glad things have changed for me.
It's the 15th today and that time to power up some Leo tokens. So, I powered up 160 Leo tokens which pushed my Leo power from 6,400 to 6560 and helped me gain more power in the community while increasing my curation rewards when I curate posts.
Happy Lpud to those participating today.
April Inleo Monthly Calendar
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