''What happens when karma turns around and bites you? And everything turns on you to spite you. '' -Eminem
Life is freaking hard, and I’ve been dealt quite the hand.
Life being hard is the common ground for us all.
Pain can comes in different shades, it can hit you slowly, or all at once.
Pain can be losing someone close to you, faking a smile while drowning in despair inside of you, loving someone so much and wishing that they would fight for you if they loved you as much, pain can be about struggling with these voices in your head, being struck by a disease, pain can be many things...
As much as I have been feeling really well the past 4 months, there’s sometimes, when life hits you unexpectedly, and I just feel like screaming to the top of my lungs
''This isn’t freaking fair! ''
Maybe I should rather think, is this as bad as it gets?
I know it isn’t meant or supposed to be, but gosh sometimes I wish it was.
I hate sitting at my desk, writing in my reframing journal, and thinking to myself… maybe I should just quit kindness and become a bitch.
Not that I ever will or would want to strive to not become the best I can possibly be, but I hate that the thought crosses my mind.
However, at certain moments, it’s quite necessary.
The downside with being too kind is to get used and even abused.
I’m not one to carry negative emotions such as anger and resentment inside of me for too long, but it breaks my heart that the one thing that can change the world, is also the one thing that can work against you.
I think that putting my trust in fate and seeing it as a blessing and as the way it is supposed to be kinda helps.
Isn't ironic that being self-aware is a gift in a way because without it, life wouldn't be as meaningful?
But at the same time, it's the one reason as to why as humans, we feel such pain.
Yesterday, I was talking a walk in nature, and there was the cuttest dog ever in front of me who could not stop from looking back at me instead of walking in front. (my heart was melting to butter!💘)
I ended up talking with his owner, and there's something the man said that stayed with me until the end of the day.
He said that you judge if a society is good by how they treat animals, children, and seniors.
I was like wow sir that is so brilliant and true!💖
The craziest part... is that for the five minutes we shared talking, he ended up saying his name in the conversation.
And he has the same name as my dad.
I was shook.
He was the complete opposite of my dad.
I kinda hate myself for secretly wishing I had such a kind and compassionate father.
When life hits me with coincidences like these, I can't help but try to question what's the meaning behind it.
There has to be one...
I guess this is it.
Pain and pleasure come hand in hand, and laying in the dark is inevitable and necessary to grow.
I do not numb my feelings anymore, but sometimes, I can’t help but wish I did not feel as much.
Choose your battles wisely they say.
Sending love to you all! 💜
Have an amazing week end to each of you xoxo