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We will all lose someone we love. There's nothing we can do to stop it from happening.
The hardest part of this reality is when we realize that we love someone, but we still have to let them go.
And we ask ourselves “... but why do we have to let someone go if we love them?” And the answer to that question is very clear and very simple. We have to let them go because we don't have the other emotional capacities to be able to maintain the love we have for that person.
You can love someone, but not be good for them.
Someone can love you, but not be the right person for you. Once again, emotional capacities are part of the equation. They don't have the other emotional capacities to make that love remain and even develop. For love to mature.
Love is not enough.
Maturity is more than essential. Personal and individual mastery, self-control, compassion and empathy are more than essential if what exists is not to be extinguished, and if what exists is to be just a seed. This seed, which is sown into the ground (which is the main thing), has to be watered and has to have good soil in order to germinate. There's no point in the soil being good, but if we don't water it afterwards, or if we don't remove the weeds around it, the seed, however resistant it may be, will end up being just another seed, but one that doesn't develop to its full potential.
The work cannot only be done by those who love. It also belongs to those who are loved.
If you love someone who can't see in you a person who is lovable, or who she doesn't think is right for her, no matter how hard you try to make love sprout between you, it will never work.
And that's what's so special about love. It's one of the sensations or emotions we're all drawn to. It's one of the first things that makes us love our parents, and for which our parents or caregivers love us. And although it's one of the most basic and fundamental sensations, it's one that we'll never be able to say everything about.
We'll never be able to fully describe it. A father's love for his child is completely different from any love we can find between two other people. There is love as a sign of respect for the other. How many times do we love someone, and that person who is loved by us has never known, or will never know, that we have that feeling for them?
And as it is one of the most primitive feelings, it is often misinterpreted. The simple fact that we are unrequited means nothing more than that. Not that it's a sign of rejection of our love.
The maturity we need is to accept that because we have feelings for someone, or don't have them, doesn't mean that they have to be reciprocated in the same way.
One of the greatest lessons I've learned over the years is exactly that. We can love something or someone with all our heart, but if we don't have everything else that is essential for that love to grow and flourish, it will never bear fruit, or even be beneficial to both parties.
The biggest misconception about love is that we confuse inconsistency with excitement, and we confuse stability with boredom. We often confuse that if someone shows up with effort to be with us, that this effort and determination is desperation.
That if someone shows up with energy and time to be with us, or to share with us, it's because that person needs us...
I think that if someone has space for us, that they are somehow losers or losers.
We believe that love means seeking or looking for someone who doesn't want to stay... to the detriment of someone who never wants to leave.
I hope you enjoyed my little reflection for today.
Thank you for taking the time to read it.
Bem Hajam🍀
Free image from Pixabay.com
