}
There must be someone pushing your buttons these days. There must be someone you'd like to change. If only you could give her some advice and if only she would actually listen and implement your suggestions. If only you created the right conditions to show him some much needed tough love, maybe then he would understand where he is wrong and what to do about it. Who are they? Who is she who makes your blood boil? Who is he who keeps himself in your life?
Please read what follows one step at a time: read down to the paragraph break, do the actions I suggest, and only after that keep reading.
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1. Take the first piece of paper, write "Dear name of this person" at the top and address her / him / them a letter. Make sure you say something really nice in the first paragraph. I know, tough one. Even if it sounds and feels fake, make sure you start with something nice about them. Then pour your heart out, make it raw and real, no one but you have access to this letter. Write it all down, it does not have to be long, just enough.
Fold it in two and set it aside. Stand up, stretch, breathe, drink some tea or water, feel your body after you've directed what was needed to them. Feel your heart, I bet it feels lighter.
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2. Take the second piece of paper and write at the top "She / He is / They are me & I am Her / Him / Them". It might not feel true yet, and you go on. Below make two columns; for the left one write something along the lines of "what you can let go of" or "what you can stop doing"; for the right one go for something along the lines of "do more of" or "what you can focus on growing". Write three to five bullet points of advice for each column. It does not have to look pretty, just make it specific. What could this person stop doing, on one side, and do more of, on the other?
You're doing well, this is good, trust me. Fold the second paper and reset. Stretch, breathe, drink water, place one hand on your heart and the other on your stomach, breathe.
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3. Take the first piece of paper, the letter. Open it. Cross over their name and write yours instead. Now read it (out loud maybe) to yourself. Read each word, each praise, each advice. See, the thing is, they are you and you are them. Different situations around us, same processes inside of us. Because what we do to others we do to ourselves. Because what is done to others, is done to ourselves.
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This reality is not easy to carry. We are not rationally wired for oneness. So if you are scared, it's OK. Is there someone who might get it? Can you share this with them. Otherwise simply try to remember what you felt. And maybe the next time we feel separate from another, we might just remember how it felt to be one.
4. There is a third piece of paper. I use it to write a letter to a part of myself that needs some attention in this moment of crisis and realization. It is filled with recognition for why that part of me is feeling the way she does. I let it flow. Or you can use it to draw some conclusions and set some intentions for yourself. Be kind, smile, you have done well.
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What do you wish to do with these three pieces of paper? Do not feel like you have to hold on to them. It actually might be a good idea to discard them. What is important is that you keep doing this at times. So rather than keeping the three used pieces of paper, make sure you plan another time slot sometime in the future to do this practice again.
I am grateful for your trust, your energy doing this. This is good stuff. This is some real nice work done.