Can the present change the past? A concept that I have covered in the past (pun heavily intended) is one of my favorite implications of quantum entanglement. When Einstein mentioned "spooky action at a distance", the first thing we think of are two objects that can change based on the state of the other—a transcendence in the spatial dimension. However when this applies to time, it is called retrocausality. As we already know, growth and improvement take place in the present to affect the future outcome.
You study, you'll get good grades.
You go to the gym, and your vitality increases.
But...
It also works the other way around. Like becoming exhausted from a task you'll do a month from now... becoming sleepy from a meal you have yet to eat. Quantum entanglement not only disrupts physical space but also takes place outside of time. The answers, or rather the method to shift into the ideal timeline were being created this entire time.
I only say this as I finally reached the timeline where we are friends again. I've succeeded in reaching the timeline I wished for the most. Maybe this story will help someone else.
HEADS UP WARNING!!!
A few things I would like to let readers know before continuing:
♦ Read heavy. No flashy imagery, the focus is the story
♦ Topics covered include: Reality shifting, time travel, philosophy,
video gaming, demons, and reality perception
♦ This post may require mutiple read throughs depending on the reader
BACKSTORY
...I've been writing this blog for the past 4 days.
I mention in my most recent post Calendar Prison, that while I'd like to believe that I'm a highly independent thinker, that even I cannot escape the array of emotions that wash over me during the holidays. My "working theory" on the type of energy that is created during this time of year serves multiple purposes. We think about those we are the closest to, and the ones that are no longer around to create new memories with.
It's during this time of year where everyone's mind and spirit drift the furthest from the present as possible. As no one's thoughts can remain focused on the present moment due to the intensity of emotion, the space-time field becomes slightly unstable. I have had more than my fair share of these experiences created by other versions and past versions of myself.
It's no longer shocking when someone who hasn't spoken to me in a long time suddenly reappears. This archetype/motive is that they want to clear their slate or to reconcile a regret from long ago.
Is it not a prison after all, but some kind of gateway? ... Strong enough to pull anything through?
I continued to ponder if everyone faced this same type of "mortality..." but only in hindsight after all that has happened. Was K not immune either and chose this timeline as well?
We're gonna flash this story back three weeks ago to when it started.
S Awakens From Hiatus
At the beginning of 2019, my roommate and long time friend S moved away to Portland to be with his high school sweetheart. I had found out that his ex was cheating, and although she was a good friend of mine—I told on her. That's a much different story. We tried to keep in touch, but with each month the distance slipped further away between S and myself. Then out of nowhere, I saw him online for one of my favorite games that he introduced to me back in 2013 called League of Legends.
I was startled to even see his name lit up, because this is the game he proclaimed to leave in the past. So why come here now? Our friends have all been playing on and off for the past 6 years, and only recently I had returned as well.
I was playing so much that I had started a Facebook Gaming page and streamed live while making some YouTube content. I was on quite a bit, so this definitely gave off a strange aura. As I was looking at it, a notification came through. It was an invite to a game. I was just about to log off to eat dinner, so I decided that I would join the lobby to tell him we could play next time before jumping offline for the day.
"Hey, sorry I gotta go eat dinner I can't pla..." I started to say when I joined the game lobby. Then I saw it.
S and I was in our game lobby, and one more player...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
K.
I froze instantly.
Somewhere between a heart attack and sheer confusion S asked me to play first and eat after. I was at a complete loss for words. I knew that they were childhood friends, and I've vented to S before regarding K...
but WHAT in the sorcery was this???
After I agreed to play, S remarked that he had to go and do something for 15 minutes. IS HE TESTING ME? We both agreed to wait until he came back. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but LoL added in-game comms (voice chat) within this past year that enabled party members to talk without needing a separate application.
So imagine me with the weight of regret and not seeing K in over 2 years. We sat in silence. I didn't plan for any of this, so why is it happening? No matter how much I rehearsed, when I had finally reached this timeline, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. We sat for a full 10 minutes without saying a word to the other... and then he spoke.
"How are things with you these days?"
We shared about where we live now and what we did for work. He asked about what I was doing for school, and just had very light conversation. It was polite—I almost didn't believe it. We fell silent and another few minutes went by before S came back.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"K, ready to start the game?"
"What are you talking about?" he replied as he quickly handed the game owner title over to S. I guess it doesn't matter who's idea it really was, just that it was happening now. They joked amongst themselves about who was gonna buy the other one a champion (character) skin for Christmas, and other light-hearted banter. We played a few games and ended the night so that I could actually eat. We weren't challenging one another, but playing on the same team on Summoners Rift.
Influence to Script Reality
A week passed, and I had been thinking that maybe all of this is just a coincidence. I mean, I play this game a lot because it's always been my hobby. At some point we would end up playing together again... Right? Chalking it up to a one-time incident, I tried to brush off this longing for meaning. This is the normal flow, nothing is strange. Wouldn't it sound insane if I believed that others were trying to write the script for my reality?
Not much else happened except for working more. I had to shift my focus over to my job and didn't have much time for anything else at that point. I got on break that evening and pulled out my phone to find that I had a missed call from S? I called him back wondering what could he possibly want.
"Where are you?" My energy instantly shifted to the year 2014.
Back at where I used to live, I would work mornings and then come home to game all day. S would bring me dinner if he could stay over to game with me. We would have LAN parties with our friends who all really enjoyed this game. What year is it? I thought to myself.
"I'm at work! Why do you want to know where I am?" I asked although the answer was very clear.
"What time do you finish? Let's play."
I assured him that it was going to be after 11pm, but he said it would be fine. I got home after work and log on. He shoots me an invite, and there are 2 other people in the room. One of our friends Cy and K. De ja vu?
I reached the goal.
I redeemed the friendship.
What that really means,
is that I redeemed myself for the acts that cost it.
I didn't go backward.
The whole time I thought I was trying to bring them back,
I didn't ask to mend the friendship,
with the person I'd never want to lose.
So they are gone.
I only redeemed myself for it.
This is what I believed when I realized that I could only affect my actions and not those of others. I didn't redeem myself for anyone else but me. This whole time, was he out there doing the same thing?
"Oh hey, it's the Sona main."
As those words echoed into my headset, I was transported back to 2014 when K met me for the first time in game. I was well-known among my friends for being a "one trick pony" on this particular champion, and he said that exact line to me. It hit me, I was in their domain... and this is the timeline that the two of them were creating... for us? This is the "how" that was needed for the timeline shift to align in a way that would make sense on paper to everyone. We played for a few more hours. Again not talking to each other much, and ended the night.
The Song that Calls
As mentioned in past posts I absolutely love music. Maybe if I were a mage, my magic would be an "affinity for songs." There have been many times that a song has found me, the perfect song for the moment as if my life was a movie. It was a few days before Christmas, when I came across a song I had long forgotten featured in a rhythm game I used to play. It was in another language, and I stumbled on it through a dance compilation I was watching on YouTube. The song began to haunt me... I just suddenly felt the need to listen to this song.
I ended up looking at the lyrics, because the energy felt strange. I felt that something was trying to reach me.
We are standing one step behind
When will we become sentimental
We're both so shy we can't even say anything
But I wanna go closer to you
Like the flowers that sway in the wind
I don't know our future
But I'll be brave and confess to you
Two is better than one let's feel each other
I wanna gather my heart and tell it to you
The One Way Gift
I was grateful. Despite it all, the only regret I would come to know was vanishing in real time. Not only was I grateful to the universe, but to S and K for coming through the gate and bridging the timelines. This is more than I could have ever asked for—Christmas is coming up. Is there something I can do?
... I thought back to the recent conversations. What if I gift them both mystery skins for their characters? Everyone loves mystery skins! I had gotten them for S, K, and some off my other good friends in the game. S ended up getting one that was surprisingly rare, and I had gotten K two since his birthday recently passed.
While most of my friends opened theirs, K didn't touch his. I get a notification when they are opened. I had to quickly shake off the negative voices asking me if I did the wrong thing. I didn't want anything in return, but knowing that someone didn't open your gift is a painful feeling.
The Christmas Eve Live Stream
Since I had been covering so many shifts, I slipped up on my streaming schedule. I missed Monday entirely, so I had decided to do a stream on Tuesday—Christmas Eve instead. Let me tell you right now, you gotta really love a game to be down to play it on holidays. I got my stream all set up, and lost a game playing solo. I was kind of bummed out, of course bad things are still gonna happen... I sighed to myself. After that game ended however, I got an in-game message.
It was from one of my followers! M wanted to play some games and saw that I was live. S also saw that I was online and we joined up in a lobby. I asked S if it was okay that I was live streaming my games that day, and he wasn't worried about it. He even invited a skilled friend P to play with us. Unfortunately, it would turn out as a loss for us. We lose games all the time, but having M as my ADC while I played support didn't work out well for us, we didn't have the team synergy and died a bunch in the bottom lane.
Initially no one was hurt too much by it, but M was devastated. He talked himself down, and was being pretty negative about the whole ordeal. The overall mood of the game quickly deteriorated. This might hurt my stream I thought, but I knew where he was coming from—We've all been there... The player that didn't think they were good enough to play with others.
A Difficult Choice
I've heard stories from other players before that this game can make and break friendships easily. While I've been told this many times before, I never thought I would end up seeing it in person. S and P both left the lobby right after that game without saying a word. I only knew of P, but I considered S one of my closest friends.
Did he really not want to play with me anymore because I was literally that bad at the game? I tried to save face from being abandoned live on stream. M asked if it was that bad, and remarked that they probably didn't want to play with him anymore. I felt sympathy for him. I began to type to M that I would still play with him and not to worry, but as soon as I was about to press enter—My notifications lit up with a new message from S.
"If you want to still play with your friend, that's okay"
"I'm inviting K to this next game"
"lmk and I'll invite you"
I was left with a double whammy of intensity. S and P didn't want to play with M because he was being extremely negative, but clearly still wanted to play with me. They made a new lobby and were bringing K on, it threw me on the spot. I always try to do the nice thing, but never the thing I want. I got the game invite, and without hesitation joined the new room.
When I arrived, K was in the middle of telling S that he couldn't find "it." Find what exactly? S explained to him that the gifting system changed and he has to open a specific notification window to receive them. I didn't tell S that I got K skins as a gift as well, but he just somehow knew. Sure enough, both notifications opened up on my end that he just received his gifts.
"Thank you Sheryl."
Live on my stream. On Christmas Eve.
about 3 hours and 15 minutes in
We played a game and it felt a little different from the last time. When I would ask a question, a lot of the times K was the one to respond from our crew. I had been practicing a new champion for almost a week that he never saw me play before. I made some good calls to split my lane and we all ended up doing well. We are all somewhat notorious for throwing or losing games, but we won. K told everyone that we did a good job.
I had been swept away into an adorable Christmas story of a friendship restored. I almost thought that I must be dreaming, as there was no way I could know how the timeline I so wanted would come to be. As quickly as the timeline manifested, a glitch (in the matrix, and literal) occurred. After our match, I had to restart my game client. The interface was lagging out, so I asked everyone if it would be alright for me to relog. I closed the client, and looked at my phone. My heart sank, it was 3pm and I would have missed my shift if it weren't for me needing to relog into the game.
I quickly joined back into the lobby and apologized to everyone that I needed to work. I even got into a little debate with P who said I should just call in sick, another friend R in the lobby argued that it was Christmas Eve and that no one would be out any way. As much as I wanted to stay, I had to work the night of Christmas Eve as well.
The Analysis
I replayed this whole few weeks back over again, and watched the video of my stream. The execution of the reality shift was so clean, almost as if nothing bad had happened throughout this time—That I was just having some bad sort of dream. A series of choices reflecting this timeline were made by me, and although choices in life are not always known, the situations I was placed in were crystal clear when I replayed it.
The day that S suddenly wanted to play with me, I could have just logged off or told him right there that I was done playing for the day. Why did I join the lobby first? I didn't have to buy anyone anything, but why did I feel compelled to do this? How did S know about K's gifts if he never opened the notifications? The stories for this game are true. While veterans may have massive friend lists, with the nature of this game people only play with those they want to be around.
I started playing this game because of S, and through it met K. We would play all night/day for weeks. While some people may get bored easily, I can play this game forever and is the one place I will always return to. For the three of us, this was a pure time... before any of the calamities struck. Is this why we returned? To be at a place before any bad things happened, with those that existed before K's demons manifested?
Retrocausality and the Handmade Miracle
We have a gateway that destabilizes emotions on a cycle that can be measured in time (holidays and Christmas) We have a memory associated with a place in cyberspace that exists in the past and present that we can return to (the game we all passionately enjoy) Lastly, we all have the insight from the lessons we learned from making the wrong choices, to now be able to make the correct ones (giving us each greater control and influence on our decisions).
I reflected once more with caution. If I were to be honest with myself, me and K had a rocky friendship from the start. Our opinions mattered too much to the other, and we would lash out harshly when we felt attacked. We would get into so many fights and take turns ignoring each other. Imagine two souls proclaiming the same values but using the opposite method. It's wild how cynical misunderstandings can become. We refused to believe the other was ever right, although our core beliefs were essentially the same.
Him and S are not like my other friends. They will give things thought on a deeper level, and their actions reflect these thoughts. On the surface very few things they do make sense because others fail to see the reason behind their actions.
Many of my other gaming friends I've met over the years, we could relate to each other but not as heavily as my circle of friends mentioned in my prior blogs. What if the future changes the past? Without the quest for this timeline, we may have simply fallen out of touch permanently. The energy of these events were too strong to be ignored.
What if we needed these lessons to be able to make the friendship we wanted before we were ready for it? This timeline exists out of the appreciation learned from these lessons. All of the tragedies that led up to this point were a major factor in my expression and growth.
Would I have even come to Steemit if I didn't already have a story to tell? Would my tolerance, patience, and compassion for others have ever improved if I didn't learn first hand what a true regret or despair was?
What if...
In order to get this ending, did the story had to be written a certain way? Everything became more and more meaningful the longer it went on.
The Direction of Time Itself
My theory is that time is never always flowing in one direction, but rather ebbing and flowing , weaving the entire timeline together. The first round went forward ending at the steps of regret and despair. If we viewed only this part, you would only see it getting worse and worse—no coming back up, no silver linings. What's funny is that after all was said and done, I was met with a choice.
"Do you wish to continue?"
Just like a video game. I was then met with the memories of every impactful event that had led up to that conclusion, but something was much different in this second round. I could see which actions caused which result and why with perfect vision. You know how they say that your life flashes before your eyes right before death, and when you pass on you will learn the truths of your experience? You can do it while you're alive... It's just insanely difficult. I drove myself literally mad going back and reflecting on each mistake, and mistep—Then forward, improving each one in a new moment in this second part of reality. Extra careful to never repeat these errors that caused me to lose a friend.
Although everything was already completed in the past, I could move forward undoing each one already sewn in an seemingly unrelated new event. As each act was learned from, I received a piece of knowledge since the new actions only existed by learning from the past.
This entire time I had revised myself enough that the current me would never make the types of decisions that could create the calamity in the first place. All that remained was the version of me that was inline with my greatest wish. Where I am now is some strange land where it feels like none of those things happened. If you heard how we speak to each other now, you would never believe that any of this ever happened.
It's obscure. Normally people would reflect back and move on. I'm happy knowing that our friendship was important enough to both of us. We each owned up to our own demons and when we felt like we could make a better reality, chose all the choices to make it so. The effort was shared, and we had plenty of chances to back out of this, but we didn't.
The Difference Between Ignorance and Acceptance
No apology from either of us was ever given if you're wondering. We didn't have to. Without needing to say anything—We both already knew everything's okay now. We are going to be the best versions we can be for our friends and ourselves with everything we learned. We deny the old timeline, and only acknowledge what we learned about the other's perspective and what they really mean... Why we couldn't see completely eye to eye before. We trust each other? Where there is no need to explain?
I was supposed to write this blog a few days ago but P and Cy baited me into games... For a couple days straight. P has been helping me learn new champions as well (when he's not flaming me.) I ended up becoming a little upset with myself.
For all the blogs that I've ever written, THIS ONE is the result of the whole story and I'm over here screwing around! The ending that my readers would have wanted to know the most has arrived. So I decided that I was definitely going to write it yesterday instead.
I was in a text conversation with S for a good chunk of the day about an amazing comic I read that he recommended to me. I opened my browser to come back to this post, but as if synchronicity were playing a joke on me, S asked me to come play. I made a lobby and V had just gotten home from buying her new headset. I was lobby owner, and it was the three of us. I saw K log on right before I started up the queue anyway, because I was scared... That maybe he didn't want to play with me.
This is too good to be true.
I'm not going to force him.
There's no way he logged on just for...
I started up the queue but S stopped it. He invited K into the lobby. We were initially talking about our birthday luck chart for this year, and then K stopped us because he noticed someone else in our lobby.
"Who is this?"
"V."
"Wait. The same V from before?"
"Yup, hey K."
"Hey V."
We continued our conversations a little more and K wanted to know about this chart. We all looked up how lucky we would be this year, and K's birthday was ranked much higher than everyone else. Everyone started joking about his amazing luck.
Shortly after, K mentioned that he would eventually quit gaming. I asked if there was something else he was planning to do, and he exclaimed that he was learning how to produce music. We ended up completely derailing everyone else's conversation when it was discovered that we use the same DAW (digital audio station) to produce. He also talked about the physical instruments that he owns and techniques and plugins that I was now surprised that we both knew about.
He asked me to send him some of my music and made light commentary and criticisms. He specifically asked for a vocal track, and although I was hella embarrassed to, sent one for him to hear. I don't think we've ever had a fully engaged conversation before, and it was about another thing we were both passionate about. I thought it was magical that he pretended to not know about my other hobbies, in order to create an opportunity for us to talk about something I really cared about. Something that he wanted to know more about.
Our game eventually started and we all chose champions that we wouldn't usually play. It was obvious then that although it would be cool to win, that's not why we were all there. S says that he didn't know how well he would do. Me and V followed up with the same, saying that we'd probably be too heavy to be carried this game.
That's when K said it;
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"C'mon guys, you gotta believe in the power of friendship."