Searching for the ideal has been the worst damage to love I could possibly do or I could have possibly experienced. Why? What is the ideal? Here is what I came up with as a realization.
The answer has come to be the image. The constant image of something working perfect. Working perfect accordingly to our rules. You make a mistake, the ideal understand you so much she/he forgives easily and it’s not a big deal. You disappear for days without talking, the ideal understand you needed space so by the time you come back he/she is with their arms open waiting for you to come back. You like talking to girls/guys, the ideal does not mind, the ideal knows you love to play with fire, so the ideal entertains him/herself with something else. The ideal is always happy with anything you do for good or bad, the ideal always understands, never reacts. The ideal is the coolest chick/dude you could possibly ever imagine being with. If you struggle to have a problem, doesn't matter, it will never be a struggle cause the ideal will always be calm and cool to discuss anything that could have been potentially painful. The ideal doesn’t take herself/himself seriously because they know you, they trust no matter what you love them so much, you are perfect for each other. The ideal never has time to judge anything that could possibly be a true harm for the relationship because it is your ideal match. Sounds awesome right?
Now I’m asking myself, who is this ideal you are dating? Many would say it’s an obvious answer. It’s the ideal person. The real great match. The ultimate mecca of your love. Your Rome. Very promising right? Truth is, the ideal you are dating is yourself. You and only you are the only one who knows you have you no matter what. You and only you knows what you have done, you don’t have to tell anyone about it because you know. You are the only one who forgives yourself in painful situations. You and you are the only one who can take breaks from yourself for days without giving explanations and come back to yourself without judgements. You can flirt with whomever you want, you can play with fire, you and only you know where your limit stands.
Everyone has been in the search of the ideal, without realizing they aren’t loving at all. Love ain’t easy. You have to speak up, you have to discover yourself better in order to share yourself better with the person in front of you. If the person you are with can understand better than you who you really are it’s the scariest feeling ever if you don’t trust them. You start questioning if you are the person they say you are or you are becoming what they say you are. You feel stuck in whatever they say about you, questioning yourself and questioning them and questioning everything in your relationship with love without growing. If you don’t trust love, you don’t grow in love.
This is why it is important to be with someone you trust they love you and you trust you love them. Relationships are mirrors. Whatever you give, is whatever you will receive. If you ask for space and they don’t give it to you, later when they ask for space you won’t give it to them. Are you a person who does not give space? Certainly not. If you find someone who gives you space, you will surely respect theirs when they need it. This happens only when you trust love.
This sounds a lot harder than dating the ideal, doesn’t it? Growing up is hard. It definitely happens slower when you grow alone by yourself than when you grow with someone else. Yet it is important to be with someone who does want to grow with you and trust you, otherwise you will get stuck in unnecessary patterns, wishing the ideal. Our minds always play tricks with fire. We are the best escapists from our own reality.
When you know you do love. When you are aware it is natural to crave for the ideal in hard moments of the relationship,you do not wish to take any decisions but sometimes it is so hard, anybody becomes the ideal. Anyone understands better what you need more than the person you are with. Everyone around you says find someone else. Nobody wants to see anybody sad, everyone wishes everybody to be in love, or at least look like the ideal of love.
The chicken mode is real. The ideal of love is real.The chicken mode is ideal.
Love if you trust you can love. If you date someone, make an effort to ask what's going on, If you love them, make an effort to help them understand whats going on. If this is too much, then be honest and let them be. There are many people in the world to be selfish about love.
Judging others for the sake of satisfying and justifying being angry its pleasant for the anger but not constructive for a relationship. (mom, dad siblings, better half, daughters, etc)
Lets love each other!!
Image by Improv Utopia. http://www.improvutopia.com/2017/10/07/for-the-love-of-improv/