A lot of people think that men are afraid of commitment—that they avoid relationships because they don’t want responsibility, can’t handle emotional intimacy, or just want to keep their options open.
But the truth is, men aren’t afraid of commitment. They’re afraid of it being one-sided.
They’ve seen too many relationships where a man is expected to uphold every standard, carry every burden, and take responsibility for every single issue—while his partner is rarely held to the same level of accountability. And when commitment starts to look more like a liability than a partnership, men start asking themselves: Is this even worth it?
We Tell Men to "Man Up"
Men are told to be strong in relationships no matter what. They’re expected to be the provider, the emotional rock, and the problem solver—regardless of whether or not their partner is putting in the same amount of effort.
- If she’s upset, he’s expected to listen, validate, and reassure.
- If he’s upset, he’s told to “man up” or stop being dramatic.
- If she loses her temper, it’s because she was “expressing her feelings.”
- If he loses his temper, he’s “toxic” and “emotionally immature.”
Men are often put in a position where they have to take full accountability for their behavior and their partner’s emotions, but rarely get the same level of understanding in return.
Women Get Bad Behavior Excused
Society gives women a lot of wiggle room to justify their actions in relationships. If a woman treats a man poorly, people are quick to offer her an excuse:
- She was just overwhelmed.
- She was going through a lot emotionally.
- She didn’t feel loved enough.
But when a man messes up? There are no excuses. There’s no sympathy. He’s just expected to do better.
Men have watched this play out over and over again—not just in their own relationships, but in the relationships of their friends, fathers, and brothers. It’s no surprise that many of them hesitate to commit when they know they’ll be the only one held accountable if things go wrong.
Divorce Can Be a Man’s Worst Nightmare
Women often date men who make more money, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it usually puts the man in a position where he could potentially lose more if the relationship ends.
Men don’t look at commitment as a short-term decision. They understand that, in the long run, the risks are overwhelmingly stacked against them.
- 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women.
- Men typically take the bigger financial hit.
- He not only has to grieve the relationship ending but also risks losing a significant portion of what he’s worked hard for.
I’m not saying women don’t lose things in a divorce, but for men, the consequences can be financially and emotionally devastating.
Men Aren’t Given Space to Be Vulnerable
There’s a constant push for men to be “more emotionally available,” and I absolutely love that. But the problem is, when men actually do open up, they’re often dismissed, belittled, or even ridiculed for it.
- If he talks about his struggles, he’s considered weak.
- If he cries, he’s not “man enough.”
- If he shows insecurity, she might lose attraction to him.
Women are encouraged to express their emotions and expect their partners to support them. But men? They’re supposed to be strong for their partners, yet rarely get the same space to be vulnerable themselves.
And men struggle to want to commit to a relationship when they know their emotional needs won’t be reciprocated.
Relationship Standards Are Often One-Sided
A committed relationship is supposed to be a partnership. But too often, men feel like they’re the only ones expected to meet certain standards.
- If he forgets to do something, he’s neglectful.
- If she stops doing things, she’s just “tired of carrying the emotional labor.”
The double standard is exhausting. And many men are waking up to the reality that if they enter into a long-term relationship or marriage, they’re the only ones expected to keep earning their spot.
Men Don’t Fear Commitment!!!!
A lot of society views men in the worst possible light, assuming they have the worst possible intentions in everything they do.
Men don’t fear commitment. They fear committing to a situation where they’re the only ones responsible for making it work.
They want a partner—just as much as women do.
They don’t want a liability.
They want someone who holds themselves accountable, has a growth mindset, and is open to hearing their concerns.
A woman who values fairness—even if perfect fairness is impossible.
Because at the end of the day, men don’t mind stepping up.
They just don’t want to be the only one doing it.
Photo Credit:
- Photo by Erriko Boccia on Unsplash
Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash