So we pick our story up a couple of weeks after my operation. I'm back home with my family, but all doesn't feel right. I cant tuck my kids in to bed at night, I cant sleep in my own bed with my beautiful girlfriend, and hardest of all.... I can't walk.
Instead, i'm sleeping on a pull out sofa-bed, in what was once our dining room. My lower leg bandaged about a quarter of the way down my shin bone, all the way up over my knee. The dressings are tight and restrict movement. i have 4-5 calls a day from district nurses. they strip my bandages, and remove wadding and silver from the infected amputation site, clean it with saline, replace the silver foil mesh and redress my wounds.
My body has become a prison cell for my mind...
I have my wheelchair to help me get around the ground floor, but have been forbidden from using crutches or attempting to crawl up stairs. It's early January, my birthday approaches but the thought of attempting to celebrate something makes my stomach churn. at the bottom of my pull-out prison, there is a 21 inch flat panel TV, connected to a PS4. i got a wireless headset so i could play games while my girlfriend watches her TV shows.
One evening, we all gathered around the tiny table in the kitchen for dinner. i wasn't eating much at the time, but the pain from losing half your leg will do that to you. Anyway, i excused myself from the table, wheeled myself into the former dining room and shimmied onto the edge of the bed. i looked at the flat-panel TV and noticed cables all over the place. Charging cables for the controllers strewn around it and the charging cables hanging over the top of the TV. I decided to do something about it, and so, shuffled around the bed to the TV.
i cleaned the mess around the base of the TV from my seated position no problem, but the charging cable for the wireless headset still draped over the far corner of the screen. My girlfriend and the kids were still sat at the table in the kitchen eating, so i decided no-one could shout at me if they didn't see me.
i stood on my one good leg, using my right hand on the wall to steady myself, reached out for the cable with my left hand. It was just out of my grasp.... i tried to gently hop closer but to no avail.
Then it happened...
Without thinking, i attempted to step forward with my left leg, the leg that was missing about a third of it's length, with a still fresh amputation wound at it's tip.
my whole body weight came down on my amputation wound breaking my fall square on with the wooden floor.
i am sure i turned green, the pain was like nothing i had experienced up until this point. I felt like i was going to be physically sick and a torrent of foul language spewed from my mouth as a cried out in agony.
My girlfriend burst through the door that led to the kitchen and rushed to help me up onto the bed.
Needless to say, from that point on, i didn't dare try to perform such a foolish thing, although i have never forgotten the fact that my lower leg is no longer present.