Hot off the press this reporter is happy to report live from my very own biometric data harvesting filmed live on Dlive. We're having a minor technical glitch with the Dlive stream, but we're happy to report we're well on our way to giving Dan all of the requested data.
Social Security Number
Finger Prints
Dental Records
High School Photos
Dick Picks
Mouth Swab
Rectal Scan
Retinal Scan
all while holding a government ID and voice activating Alexa.
Dan is happy to proclaim this to be the new future of social media and anyone unwilling to do it is as worthless as a bot. He has a wide smirk as he strokes his freshly shorn cat as we discuss VOICE.
Aggroed: So, Dan, great news you have out there seems like a smash hit on your hands!
Dan: Oh yes! Things are going excellent... ex...cell...ent.... he strokes his cat more firmly We fully expect sign ups to start in masse any minute.
Aggroed: Dan, I find this rectal skin a little uncomfortable and frankly filming it makes me feel awkward. That said it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through all of this just to join VOICE.
Dan frowns: Well, I mean, you are the first right now, but we really expect the masses to follow any minute. Once they've provided all the DNA, prints, data, and scans along with multiple forms of government ID we're ready to hear what they have to say!
Aggroed: Wait what? I'm the only one doing this right now? That's kinda bullshit. Actually this whole thing is kinda bullshit. The whole point of the liberty movement is to live with our neighbors peacefully without invasion of our person, but this seems to invoke force and simultaneously feels highly invasive.
Dan seems annoyed and brushes me off: Aggroed what you don't understand is that the world is at war. I want to bring peace. Why can't you see that. When everyone has been logged, and your social credit score is known we know you'll finally be ready to participate peacefully just as we intend for you to do. His cat starts squirming from the pressure of the stroking
Aggroed: But Dan, I protest, this whole thing is invasive, seems as an attempt to merge government and crypto which seems antithetical to the whole movement. Also, you've been presenting this tool as a way to murder your previous creations. I'm a little nervous about where you're at right now. Are you feeling grounded and connected? Maybe you need a business manager to tell you a little bit more about how the crypto sphere might interpret your plans here. Maybe this isn't as good of a plan as you thought.
Dan bursts out in a rage: Incompetent fool! You can't understand. There will be peace. If we have to force it upon you so be it. There will be peace and I'll enforce it with my block producers. YOU WILL BE PEACEFUL OR YOU WILL BE SILENCED!!!!
Dan starts cackling with rage and laughter. He starts frothing at the mouth. His cat jumps out of his hands. He starts to shout at me, but I just turn of the web cam. It was glitchy anyway and also made me feel dirty. Without the Comms to Dan I sit back and contemplate why anyone gave this man 1B dollars...
Final Summary: Cool code, weird plan.
Work of fiction aside, congrats on announcing the launch of VOICE Dan. Seems awesome! Footnote, we're not dead yet.