Foreword and Trigger Warnings
SY stands for Satirically Yours, which is my running The Onion stylized satire series. This post has so many triggers coming that I've decided to include a Foreword and Trigger Warning section to protect the easily offended from what I'm about to write. The post is delivered with a heavy influence of The Onion, South Park, Adam Ruins Everything, Bo Burnham, and the legendary George Carlin and his unending interest in language of the times and dirty jokes.
This post will be sexually influenced, it mocks common core, it mocks statists, it highlights how sexual material inappropriate for 8 year-olds is delivered all over the country to young people, it calls out millennial cultural norms, craps on the New Age movement, and has a high chance of enraging you or someone you know if you're not in the right mindset. It's also labelled a witness report so my fellow witnesses might take offense. It is egregious, over-the-top, possibly insulting, and an eye opening experience. It is my HF 19 Magnum Opus and I give it to you all with humor and absolute love of this place and the times in which we live.
I couldn't write this if I wasn't personally so deep into the culture. It's a lampoon and a caricature. Breath deep and don't drink anything while reading this. Also, allow me to prematurely apologizate to you in case you do take offense. I'm very sorry you took offense to some really funny shit.
Family Friendly and Witness Appropriate Executive Summary
Let me summarize my findings for today's post reward value now so that you can skip the rest if you don't feel called to read it or it's simply tl;dr: A full vote from your account at current market and Steemit conditions at 100% voting power produces $1 of post rewards for every 1,000 SP you have. It increases linearly as expected from HF 19 entitled "Equality" and it's restructuring of the reward shares function from SP^2 to a straight SP calculation known as "Linear Rewards."
Everything else is just for the Lulz.
Let us begin
Hello class. Is everyone properly smudged? Yes? ok. Aus my dear, can you dim the lights? Ok, cue the ambient music. Light the candle. Close your eyes. Hold hands. We're going to open up a safe place to call forth the spirit of George Carlin to help us in today's lesson. George, by the holy new age movement invested in me as well as by the power of the New York State Board of Education I summon your strength of character and undying love of exploring language. Please enter me and all the children gathered here today so we can better explore our Steemian Sexual Amplitude in class today.
So say we all.
Let the lesson formally start
Ok, kids, we can turn the lights back up. You've probably noticed a little sexual maturity happening right now in your Minnow Genitals. This is a natural phenomena that occurs during every forth quadruple in the Mayan Calander that we're all experiencing now embodied in Hardfork 19 induced pubescence. It's also happening in my dolphin testicles as well. Anyone interested can have a look after class.
You may have noticed that when you "Shot your load" in an upvote that you were able to produce as much as $0.004 in HF 18. Yes, we were all slightly embarrassed about that, but now when you upvote you're able to shoot ropy jets of $1 post rewards all over your friends wall. This is a miraculous experience that we need to investigate further.
Whale Balls definition
The term whale balls was first introduced by 3rd US President, Reverend Andrew Jackson, when he shared the following quote before the 18th National Assembly of Congress during the Revolutionary war-
It's through this quote and the numerous mentions of the founding father's that we know about the hazards of Whale Ball influence on alt-coin distribution.
In the beginning there was HF 18
Through a process known as directed evolution where Adam Smith's magical hand gently caresses Steemit Inc developers to induce a software update we have arrived at HF 19. It is fully intended to shave whale balls in their place and support autoerotic manual curation.
We're going to talk about the current changes your body is undergoing, but you have to know about the previous Hard Fork, HF 18 to understand the difference that's happening in your squirmy clankers.
In the previous hardfork it's important to know that your impact on post rewards were calculated using the squared value of your ball size (SP). For minnows this led you to have performance issues where you could only spray a few cents or a fraction of a cent on your friend's post, but whales could basically spray an entire ocean based civilization at a time.
100SP^2 = 10,000 reward shares
400,000SP^2, a moderate whale, would get 160,000,000,000 reward shares, thus making your post contribution a rounding error.
In effect, the only thing that really mattered here was Whale Ball size, and that left so many shriveled minnows out in the cold.
HF 19
Because of how Rewards Shares were recalculated to go from an exponential to linear equation you now have a 1 to 1 ratio of SP in the equation, and that makes many other factors begin to show dominance in how much of a reward you'll get on your post when slathering your upvote on it.
Now 100 SP enters the reward shares calc as 100 SP and the 400,000 SP enters the calc as 400,000 SP. Because the 160,000,000,000 term is no longer completely dominant we have to factor in other things than just the size of your newly dropping genitals.
A pregnant hermaphrodite as a visual representation for HF19 induced sexual amplitude
Today class we're going to talk about a pregnant hermaphrodite and their overall sexual amplitude as a metaphor for determining your upvote impact on post reward. I see some of your jaws dropping. I know this might seem a little bit much for an 8-year old, but this is how the state believes it's best to educate you and we all know how much the state and politicians "love" children. So, please pay attention.
Under HF 18 we only needed the whale ball term to determine post rewards because of the impact of the squared function in the formula. Now we have so many terms that none of the individual 18 state approved genders alone will accurately describe the impact so we'll have to jump to Chapter 16's pregnant hermaphrodite example to help us.
Chapter 16, Pregnant Hermaphrodite's as a suitable description for Children when describing Post Rewards hereby described as Steemian Sexual Amplitude
This is straight out of the book now. The amount of post rewards you're able to spray onto your intended target is hereby defined as your sexual amplitude.
Your sexual amplitude is no longer simply defined by whale balls, but is now defined by a number of variables.
Sexual Amplitude = Steemit Cup Size * Whale Balls * Penis Length * Relative Erection * Degree Pregnant * a constant we'll Call "M" for millennial.
The formula can now be rewritten as
SA = CS * WB * PL * RE * DP * M
This formula is an approximation of the actual calculation and it only functions for a range of values still yet to be determined.
Let's review the terms individually
Steemian Sexual Amplitude we've already described as being the amount of post rewards you can Spray on your intended post after slathering your upvote all over it.
Steemit Cup Size of course stands for the current price of Steem in US Federal Reserve fiat Notes.
WB is your Steem Power (no longer your SP^2)
Penis Length is hereby defined as the voting power you have at your disposal.
Relative Erection is how much vote power you choose to place through the sliding bar when upvoting.
Degree Pregnant describes the current size of the Reward Pool.
M- The Millennial Constant is what turns the proportional arrangement into an equals sign.
Everyone turn to example problem 7
Let's use roughly current values to calculate M from my post values.
SA= $4.84 on the upvote
WB = 14,700 SP
CS = $2.00/steem at the time of upvoting
PL = 35%
RE = 100%
DP = 1.5M steem
SA / (WB * CS * PL * RE * DP) = M
M= 3.14 x 10^-10
You can see that the value of M is proportional to their direct impact to the GDP of our great nation.
That should do it
So, now kids you have the power to quickly estimate the rewards you're going to put on a post hence forth known as your sexual amplitude. These can also be referred to as Amps or Dank amps. Here's an example usage from page 420: "Dude, did you see how many dank amps I sprayed all over aggroed's post? Fuckin' $40 bills hit it right after I dropped an UV." A proper response is "That's so bae!" then it's appropriate to both whip and nae nae.
I'll be available after class for anyone that still needs help or is confused. Come to the office with the free hugz sign on it. Now everybody stop crying it's time for recess!