Self-esteem is how we see ourselves and how valuable we think we are. It reflects whether we feel worthy, capable, and comfortable with who we are and how we fit in society.
Today, many industries try to help boost self-esteem, but their methods often miss the mark. Telling yourself “I am beautiful” or “I am great” in the mirror usually won't make you feel better. Our self-view has both obvious and hidden parts, and what we consciously believe may not match what we feel deep inside.
What matters more than your self-esteem level is how stable it is. Many people have unstable self-esteem because they rely on outside things for their worth. This is called conditional self-esteem. It is fragile because any mistake or failure can feel like a threat instead of a chance to learn and grow.
People might attach their self-worth to things like work success, religion, smarts, relationships, or fitness. But if you fail in any of these areas, or slip up, your self-esteem can drop. As these areas require ongoing effort, your self-esteem can be constantly under threat. This makes it unstable and bad for your mental health.
Long-term research in the U.S. shows that over 20 years, the self-esteem of students improved. Young teens aged 11–13 scored higher on tests measuring self-worth, and older teens saw similar gains. Many students had perfect or very high self-esteem. Yet, having high self-esteem does not mean it stays steady.
Studies also find that praising students to boost their self-esteem can backfire. When students are told they are smart, they may focus only on getting good grades, not on learning. They might see intelligence as fixed, rather than something that can grow. This hurts their motivation and learning in the long run.
When people focus only on grades and achievement, it can cause stress, anxiety, and school problems. They may lose motivation inside and feel resentful. If they think their self-worth is linked to being smart, failure or mistakes may seem like personal attacks.
People with unstable self-esteem may feel useless and give up early to avoid failing. Others try harder to protect their self-image, even if their efforts don’t work or take too long. Neither approach is healthy. It’s better to see problems differently and find new ways to handle them.