A wise old woman once told me that God speaks to each and every human being. However, it is we who do not care to listen. I found great truth in these words and throughout the years I have learned that sometimes reality has caused me to cease listening by bombarding me with its diverse distractions and temptations.
Sex can rightly be considered the prominent distraction of them all !
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The questions about sex are always wise and yet the same – Is sex good or bad? Is it dirty? Why sometimes it does feel good and yet at other times so bad? Why on certain occasions do we feel shame and guilt when we have sex? When is the right age to begin having sex, and with whom? Should I wait until I am married? What is the right way to have sex? Does sex mean love and vice versa? And if so, how come there are so many people who have sex without love? Are they wrong? Am I wrong?
If religion is in the picture, doubts and confusions rise sevenfold – If I abstain from sex will God love me more? If I have sex will God kill me? will I go to hell? If I become a monk will it make my way to God smoother and faster?, and so on and so forth.
This very enigmatic issue – and mind you, the enigma does not necessarily disappear with age – can be cleared with the following metaphor; imagine you had a jewel. It is a very precious gem, made of diamonds and rubies with purple emerald decoration based on fine gold all over it. This unique and very expensive jewel is yours and yours alone, it was given to you many eons ago by your ancestors to be taken care of and cherished dearly. Now, ask yourself, what would you do with such a gift? Where would you keep it? Would you put it on a shelf in a stationery store in the market for anyone to come, see, touch and scratch? Or would you look for an appropriate safe box inside your home where it cannot be stolen or damaged?
Your body is that gem. It’s as simple as that. And it is you who were chosen to look after it, to take care of it. The things you put into it, the things you do to it and the things you do with it will eventually determine what kind of jewel you will be holding in your hands. The body was designed to allow you to walk the earth, live and experience. The better you take care of it, the longer you will live. The more you treat it with respect and love, the more experiences you will have and eventually you will fulfill your purpose in life better.
The human body has another purpose that not many are aware of and which science yet needs to discover. You see, your life is constantly created by you, and to do that you are using your body and its nervous system. In a very delicate way which I will not get into now, the cells of the body are transforming consciousness energy into electromagnetic energy, sending it out, and in return bringing back to you – through magnetic attraction - the things you desire, wish for and dream of. The human body is that unique in doing so. Whatever you do with your body has tremendous implications on your life.
Including sex
Sex is a part of the human experience that connects the body to the divine. When one has sex with another, both should ask themselves one simple question – is it out of love, respect, compassion, mastery?! Are we making love, that is, creating love, or are we having sex?!
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Enlightenment does not allow compromises. If one wants to attract one’s divinity, one must harness all the tools and forces that one is capable of and direct them to that goal; and yes, this includes one’s body. Having sex without love – unloving sex - is like taking your greatest jewel and placing it in the fish market. It is being contaminated and damaged time and time again.
Many people abuse their own bodies and treat them harshly. They do not give a second thought to the possible outcomes and therefore, they do sex out of fear with no love involved. They fear they might get old and their bodies might deteriorate, they fear the society might mock them for being still virgin, they fear life is short and they might miss something, they fear they would not be loved if they didn’t give in to the peer pressure to have sex – there are many reasons that fearful minds find to be convinced to have sex, and those who have tried sex without love know how the heart cries after such occurrences.
There is no judgment here and it is not a black or white issue. It is not a question of good vs. bad. God will always love you, no matter what you choose because this is a world of free choice and every person - every person - will eventually have to learn about his/her own responsibility to their lives. Indeed, no hell or Armageddon days for those who live such lives, but as always there are outcomes.
From the perspective of the path to enlightenment unloving sex has implications:
- Unloving sex does not involve productive feelings during the act. Although the body does play a significant role and the mind joins it, the heart and the solar plexus – which is the center of the feelings – are left out. Since the feelings are the connecting rope to your divinity, through which you receive divine guidance, having sex with no love means a disconnection from your spirit. Many people are frustrated that they lack a sixth sense but they do not realize that by their own hands they destroy the threshold to these psychic powers.
- Unloving sex creates some wrong beliefs within the person regarding the nature of relationships. The false beliefs, for instance, that “love can be gained by sex” or that “life is short and one must fully exhaust it”, are easily absorbed by a young mind who has been introduced to sex prematurely. Such inappropriate belief systems place the person in a reality that is far away from divinity.
- Focusing on unloving sex creates a growing physical need for more satisfaction and hence more sex. Although there is nothing wrong in fulfilling and adhering to the needs of the body, it should be accompanied by self-feeding. The body does not stand alone; it is a manifestation of the soul. Unloving sex rejects the soul, puts it aside and focuses solely on the needs of the body. Such a condition cannot last for long because the soul wants enlightenment, that is, the self to reconnect with it.
- It is a well-based behavior within modern society, especially with youngsters, to practice unloving sex. Much fewer have the determination and courage to take the path of enlightenment. Unloving sex places the person deeply rooted in mass consciousness from which it will be very difficult to escape. It is like a person who always eats junk food and one day wants to quit to become a vegetarian. It is very difficult for the body, the mind and the soul to make that shift.
- Another reason involves the power of creation. Basically, time is just an illusion and everything is being created from the Now moment. This is why it is pointless to ponder about the future or suffer because of the past. During an act of unloving sex, many people fantasize and drift within their minds to other partners and other places. Such shift, which occurs in one’s thoughts and feelings, deprives one of his creative powers and eventually blocks one’s way towards enlightenment.
- Focusing on the pleasures of the body without the spiritual and emotional connection numb the sensitivity of the nervous system which, as described above, is the tool with which one creates one’s desired reality. Therefore, unloving sex will eventually take the control out of one’s life and make this person drift aimlessly in the river of life.
I have just named a few of the reasons why unloving sex is not appropriate for those who seek enlightenment. It is a true fact and undeniable.
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You must remember that the power of creation is in the now. Therefore, the sexual history and the deeds that one has done up until now are irrelevant. One could have had many partners with whom one was engaging in unloving sex, but when the decision is made, here and now, to take the path of enlightenment - the past is gone. It is a matter of choice and the important thing is to choose now; that from now on the body, that spectacular jewel that humans have, will be honored and respected and loved! It is like going for shopping in the most expensive store in town, you stroll between the shelves and the beautiful clothes with the intention of buying an outfit that suits you and which will reflect the light you carry within. When you find something you really like and you ask the seller for a second opinion, he/she does not scold you for your past wardrobe. They do not say "why did you wear ugly clothes in the past?", or "what took you so long to decide you deserve beautiful clothes?" They only care about this now moment and praise your decision to love yourselves.
I believe that now you see that sometimes the road to enlightenment requires great shifting in human behavior. No one will ever scold you or be angry with you if you took the other path, away from enlightenment and away from loving sex. If you do that, just remember that your enlightenment will always wait for you, very close and very near, and with it sexual experiences beyond what you have known till now.
