In the spirit of looking back on some of our old content thanks to @nonameslefttouse's initiative, I will revive a very early post from my time here on STEEM. This post was made on Sunday June 10, 2018. I was not really feeling very good about myself, had been here on STEEM for a little while (a couple of months I think) and was fairly lost. This post was probably the first time I have really released a whole bunch of what was swirling around in my head for many years.
Here is the wall of text I blurted out back then...
So I find myself stuck. I love the idea of blogging here, I can see the potential of Steem to make a difference in my life, and many others. But I just don't know what to write about. This post is just going to be me letting what normally just swirls around in my head out for a change. I have no idea if anyone will really read it, but I don't think that matters, I just need to think out loud for a change.
My life is pretty boring, my interests are also pretty boring. I am not creative, no good at writing short stories or painting or photography or singing. So I find myself sitting here contemplating my life, and just how boring it really is. I have done interesting things in the past - owned my own business, done a bit of travel (not anywhere near as much as I would like). But for the most part, I just feel bored, and boring.
Is this the life I wanted as a kid - no. I wanted to be living an interesting life. I wanted to travel lots, but its really 13 years since I've actually been anywhere. I wanted to be financially successful - but 10 years ago my business failed and I've been stuck in debt and living week to week financially ever since then. I wanted a family that loves me and that was happy and healthy. Yes our family is happy, my wife and kids are great. But am I giving them the life I wanted to?? - no. They are becoming boring too because they are just living and growing up without experiencing new and interesting things.
So - what to do? I am obviously stuck in a rut - 42 years old and getting nowhere, not satisfied with what I am doing with this life. Time to change!!
What needs to change? I need to live a bit more. I need to do stuff. I need to take the kids out so they can have some life experiences. I need to get out of debt so we can do more, give more, live more and BE more. How to do that? That is the million dollar question.
Some small steps, I think I have already taken - without even realising it. I have arrived here and am trying to network, find new interests and follow interesting topics and people to broaden my horizons. Financially, I have been trying to get my foot in this Crypto door, trying to find a way to build an alternative income here and through mining coins. Without any funds to seriously invest, it feels more like a hobby than an income - but the potential is there. My wife and I have also quit smoking. That is one major step that has the potential to change our lives in a significant way.
What else do I need to do: Do better. All areas of my life, for a long time, I have settled for a "near enough is good enough" mentality. Procrastination and settling for second best have gotten me in this rut. I have become fairly anti-social and insular. This is not who I am. I am better than that. So I realise that I need to do more. Live bigger if you want to put it that way. Do stuff now instead of put it off till later. Stop settling for "good enough" and start pushing for excellent. Get out and live a little. Take my kids out and do stuff, instead of just letting them become as boring as I have become.
So this post has become a personal challenge - of sorts. I am putting out into this fine blockchain, where it can never be deleted from, a challenge to myself. The time is up for me being stuck in this rut. I have been here far too long, and it is time to get out. I know what steps I need to take to be happier, to be living the life I want instead of the life I am. It is time to take control of my own destiny, instead of letting my life drift away as it has been lately.
If you do happen to have read all the way through this post - please let me know. Often times it feels like I am just posting for the sake of posting something. I really am not sure if what I am putting up is really being read at all. You can't use the post payment and up votes as a guide - #teamaustralia is awesome at giving a post a small boost and I have been using bots to feel like I am getting something. How many actual real people read my posts - probably not many as they are probably not very interesting.
Anyway - I feel Iike I am rambling now , so I am just going to hit the "Post" button and put this thought process out to the world.
John.
Safe to say I was a little bit lost in life at the time.
What is most interesting is that I can look back now on this post and mark that time as the start of a turnaround for me. I think that blurting all that stuff out has actually made a lot of difference in my life. I started to find a voice. I started to push myself more out of my comfort zone. I started to speak up, and try to change things that were not working. Since then, life has gradually gotten better. I still think I am a little boring, but I live with a lot more hope and positivity.
Once this introvert, that was stuck in a rut, put his thought out and on the line, things started to change.
Thank you to STEEM for giving me a place to release my inner self doubts and overcome them.
Enjoy your sunday everyone,
John...