Image by Harald Funken from Pixabay
Drum roll please... it's showcase sunday. Today I read this fckn hilarious post by nonameslefttouse which reminded me that there used to be a big ass fat funny bone running through the core of steem.
Back in the day there was a competition called comedyopenmic which was sponsered by every man and his dog. Why the proliferation of delegations? Well, the answer is simple. COM was one of the best things on the blockchain for inspiring entertaining content.
Yes.... I'm talking about content that isn't about witness nodes, blockchain development, or how the future of steem will change the face of finance.
Yes.... that's right, content that the average person might read and choke on their breakfast pissing themselves laughing.
You've guessed it.... content that you don't need a degree from the open university to understand.
The type of content that would interest and entertain the average Joe... or Jenny.
After that (insert #oldsteem) tirade of sarcasm, and in the spirit of @nonameslefttouse's showcase sunday post, I'd like to help raise the zombie of humor on steem with these two comedy poems I wrote back in the day.
The first of these posts was a performance poetry piece that I wrote and performed posting it to @dsound. The poem was called 'Gangster of Steem'. I just checked and the dsound version isn't working so I have spent some time uploading it to SoundCloud today so you can all enjoy hearing me make a tit of myself.
The second poem is called The Cautionary Tale of Sid the Breast Obsessed Sex Pest... no further explanation needed.
Gangster of Steem - Spoken Word Poetry
I pull in fat skrilla shilling m’fckin memes
On dmainia. I dropped a fat stack
Of crypto cash in my wallet stash
And now I’m shillin, ya feel?
I don’t wanna do no real work
I’ve invested in this shit and now
I’m putting it to work like a bitch
On the corner.
That’s the sitch and you other
Haters can just wine and winge.
I’m making memes like 15 times a day
Dropping that shit and self-voting
Every comment I say, every lame-ass
‘good lol’s, nice meme’ comment that I made
From my puppet accounts, don’t doubt
I’m the m’fckin steem gangster meme making machine.
I have 6 followers and they’re on a diet.
Take a look you’ll see it says
This person hasn’t started blogging yet
Because it doesn’t pay, to write and work.
I make memes on a rotation,
I have a sweat-shop in Taipei
making shity memes all day,
payin them jack
I’m a steem gangster meme making machine
And I’m giving nothing back.
I just take what’s mine.
Crime against quality –
fire off meme-shots from glocks
Made of SP self-love-bots,
I bash one off 15 times a day
Jizzing my way through memes like a sex-pest
Fuck all the rest,
That’s $300 per post 15 times a day.
That’s $25,000 a week even with depreciation
1,638,000/year, you better believe I have no hesitation
To steal from you,
I’m a gangster of steem
and my dream is to keep doing what I do,
forever.
Continue beasting the reward pool
as a rule until I’m shut down.
When I’ll power down
and laugh at you bitches
and snitches and walk away with my riches.
► Listen on DSound
► Listen from source (IPFS)
of kid in my school called Sid,
he wandered the halls looking for holes
that he could stick his dick in.
See, Sid was a freak, a strange little dude
obsessed by his teachers breasts
he was totally enamored and it won
him the title: Britain's youngest sex-pest.
Mrs Mcconaghie was the teacher,
and she was not to be trifled with,
horn-rimmed glasses and rather severe,
she made young Sid's knees give.
But the thing he admired were her massive bazookas
so he stole his fathers binoculars,
trained in the art of hiding in plain sight,
to graduate as a boob philosopher.
Sid had an ethos simple and clear;
No boob shall go unnoticed by me,
from the small to the large, distant to near,
constrained or swinging free.
He stuck to his manifesto and still to this day
you can see him at car parks across the land,
he's the main admin on doggers.com
and plays lead guitar in a swinger's house band.
But back to the story of young Sid the perv
who made an art of filling the wank-bank.
And his quest to observe every mammary curve
with verve, vigor and swank.
He became known in the area
for loitering and peeking over fences,
sitting in trees with pack-lunch and binocs'
while wanking himself until senseless.
Birds left their nests as housewives undressed
unaware of this peeking-tom,
while Sid balanced gripping binocs
with the other hand worrying his schlong.
Until, yes you've guessed it, this sex-pest divested
his load from on high in that tree,
he tumbled while cumming and was heard to be mumbling...
I love you Mrs Mcconaghie.
All images used in this post are creative commons licence.
Thanks for reading.
