Orbiting Is the New Ghosting and It’s Probably Happening to You
by Anna Iovine 04.23.18
Excerpt: Theory #1: It’s a Power Move
Philip believes orbiting takes on extra nuance in the gay male community. “I also think with gay guys there’s the added layer of belonging to a smaller community where everybody knows each other, even if only through Instagram — so maybe maintaining a presence on the periphery of somebody’s profile is a diplomatic measure?”
Theory #2: They Have No Idea What They’re Doing
Another friend of mine, Alex, has experienced this firsthand. “I was dating this guy — we had been dating for maybe two or three months — when Valentine’s Day came around, and he started ignoring my texts while he was watching my Snapchat stories. I got so mad that I texted him that he better stop watching my stories if he planned to keep ignoring my messages, and he goes, ‘Wait, you can see that?’”
Indeed, The Daily Beast’s Lorenz believes that some people could just be ignorant to that Instagram and Snapchat feature. “It’s amazing how many people don’t know you can see who’s viewed your Instagram story—maybe they just never [checked their own]?”
Theory #3: Fear of Missing Out (on You, an Amazing Person)
“On the surface, ‘orbiting’ seems like relatively unusual behavior,” says Dr. Rachel O’Neill, a licensed professional clinical counselor and Talkspace provider who specializes in working with relationship issues — especially those involving social media. She proposes a few explanations for why Tyler and others might orbit. “Part of this orbiting behavior is really related to the underlying FOMO. The person might not necessarily be ready to commit to a relationship; however, there’s a concern that if they were to completely eliminate contact with you, then they might miss the opportunity to reconnect with you later on.”
“Social media offers a unique, voyeuristic look into the lives of individuals with whom we have even the most casual of relationships,” O’Neill says. “Orbiting also offers the opportunity for the orbiter to maintain a commitment-free connection with you. If circumstances change (for example, the orbiter decides they want to pursue a relationship), the orbiting behavior also offers a relatively easy entry to return back into your life (i.e., commenting on a post, DMing).”
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