This has been my life long struggle. One that started very young, with an older brother, who wasn't a horrible person by any stretch, but who had struggles of his own. And it wasn't always bad, it just wasn't always good. The problem comes when we allow someone to dominate our thought processes to the point that we lose our independence, we forget our place, we forget our own way. I don't think society does a very good job of instructing us on how to handle our own emotions, and as a result they tend to dominate our lives, ruling our decisions, that are truly after thoughts that we conjure to justify our actions.

Perhaps because we are so lost in emotion that it takes a sensational event to drive the point home, to make us wake up and see the reality for what it is. And when we do, we are left with all this rage that was built up in our victim identity that is hard to let go of. There is no one to blame but ourselves, and that makes it all the more worse, but better because at least we can do something about it. We can let go, we can give ourselves the peace of mind that before eluded us, we can begin to heal.

WAKING UP

Nobody likes to wake up in the morning. Sleep is such sweet bliss. There is nothing better than just rolling over and falling back asleep. That is until we begin to enjoy life more than sleep. There was a time that I struggle to be put to bed. There was so much excitement, so much to explore, so much to see! I had a million and one things I wanted to do, but then something changed, somehow I lost my way. But then I would find it again, and lose it, and find it.

Perhaps that is just the way of things. As I grew older, I finally found my way out from under the shadow of my brother. I actually transferred schools to get away from being the 'little brother'. It wasn't all bad, but the benefits where outweighed by my desire to be free from preconceived ideas about who I was suppose to be.

This was replaced by finding a government on my back, seeing them as a foreign body that didn't listen to my desires, didn't heed my will. I often wonder who's will they do heed. It certainly doesn't appear to be the peoples. Seems more like a small group of rich folk that are driving us to be their slaves. I can't seem to shake this image, I don't know how to get rid of them. Seems they are doing everything in their power to retain their control, and sometimes, when I meet folks that are lost in their own worlds, I understand why they think we can't handle ourselves. But then to pretend that they are handling themselves well in light of all the indulgences they enjoy while denying them to us...

Personal Sovereignty

Letting go of needing them to change is a hard thing to do. I don't want to give up all that we have and live in the woods. Though I do find the idea somewhat appealing. All that is around us was built by us. All of us are a part of it, and while those in power claim it is all their doing, it is more often co-oped power they have taken, much like Edison, that really invented very little, but facilitated those around him. Which would be fine, if he had allowed them equal shares for what was contributed. But alas, that doesn't seem to be the case. We are still at the mercy of larger than life figures, people like Steve Jobs & Bill Gates take credit far beyond their own contributions. It isn't that they didn't do anything, far from it, it is that they took too much credit for what others did, and then kept all the fruits in a closed system, and to top it off, often worked hard to 'hook you' on their products to keep you from being able to share across systems.

I now see open source as the future, the true future that grows organically, that once it is created never needs to be done again, but can be used over and over again by those around us, by all of us. There is no rejection of anyone using it. That is the future, that is how things can be, and in so having it we gain more than we lose.

In the end, we must do our own dance, our own song... If we sing in a group that doesn't appreciate us, that is our own fault. If we fall prey to another, it is again our own fault. We must realize our own value, we must realize that we are all a part of the problem, and now we must be a part of the solution. It takes two to have a control structure, a victim and a oppressor. You can't have one without the other. I've found the way out is by realizing this truth deeply.

I must stop blaming others. If they are to 'blame' they don't realize what they do. Jesus taught that, 'Forgive them father, for they know not what they do.' They are asleep, they think they need power over others. We all suffer from this to some degree. We all seek to have power over others in thoughts/words/deeds. Some of us to lesser degree, but it is when we learn to mind our own garden that we find the freedom we have always sought.

RETURN TO LOVE.. LOVE ALL

Recently I finished reading The Celestine Prophecy. It talks about how to raise you energy by looking at the world around you and loving everything you see. I've been practicing this for a few days now, something I'd lost sight of. I feel the power returning to me, the light has returned in my eyes. I'm starting to see how pushing for this or that doesn't help me get to where I want to go.

Then I watched this video from @icedrum To Make a Journey Don't Change Directions and it rang true. You must pick where you want while in your highest joy, then strive to go in that direction regardless of your emotional state. Emotions are like the weather, but your consciousness is like the sun, always there, just behind the clouds, and with effort you can keep your focus regardless of the storm that ravages around you. By focusing on loving what is around me, I have found my mind is clearing, the storm is dissipating.. oh, the blessid peace.

Marcus Aurelius had many great thoughts upon this as well. In the book Meditations I found him talking about peace of mind, that some have cabins in the woods that they retreat to, but his thoughts are that we should retreat within our mind regardless of where we are. That we can reconnect to that peace of mind at any time, and that we should for our own benefit do this.

So I am greatful to the many teachers we do have, if we but have ears to hear and the mind to listen, they are in fact all around us. But those that would help us the most often seem to say the least, and those that talk the most are the loudest but have nothing to say of value.

So Forgive Yourself, Forgive Others

We are foremost wanting peace, and to be a part of the solution, be peaceful, in body and mind.

I'm grateful for everyone here, that helps me to see more clearly, present and past, and for those I'm yet to meet.

I'm grateful for the life I have, for the opportunities before me.

I'm grateful for steemit, for providing a community that I can reach out and touch others on a similiar quest.

I'm grateful for you.

I love you all.

MarcDouglas

(all pictures are originals taken by me)