In honesty, is it not harder for you to say “I love” than “I
hate”? You associate love with weakness and hatred with
strength, and your own real power seems to you as your real
weakness. For you could not control your joyous response to
the call of love if you heard it, and the whole world you thought
you made would vanish. The Holy Spirit, then, seems to be
attacking your fortress, for you would shut out God, and He
does not will to be excluded.
You have built your whole insane belief system because
you think you would be helpless in God’s Presence, and you
would save yourself from His Love because you think it would
crush you into nothingness. You are afraid it would sweep you
away from yourself and make you little, because you believe
that magnitude lies in defiance, and that attack is grandeur. You
think you have made a world God would destroy; and by loving
Him, which you do, you would throw this world away, which
you would. Therefore, you have used the world to cover your
love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego’s
foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there.
And it is this that frightens you.
from -a course in miracles