At first a couple/lovers talk to each other every day, text every minute and do not want to leave each other’s side. Then they’re not talking to each other and ignoring themselves for hours and sometimes, days!
How does the transition happen? Communication is the lifeline of every relationship. Silent treatment is the exact opposite.
The Silent Treatment is a passive-aggressive method of abuse where disapproval or contempt is shown, while maintaining verbal silence. It is a form of control, punishment, or dis-empowerment. It is one of the most frustrating tactics and can provoke even the most patient person.
What Went Wrong?
Retaliation: Some couples use silence as a form of revenge. For example, Imagine a scenario where after a wife tells her husband about a financial need, which she considers “pressing”.
Not long after that, she finds out that he just fixed his car – with the same amount of money that would have been enough to take care of her need. They have a heated argument about what is more important to each other and the wife storms off and stews in silence.
Basically, what she is saying is, “You hurt me, so I am going to hurt you back.”
Manipulation: Some use the silent treatment as a means to get what they want. For example, imagine that it’s the summer holidays and the wife wants the kids to spend the holiday with her parents, while the husband wants the kids to spend the holiday with his own parents.
The wife replies that the kids spent their last holiday with the husband’s parents, but the husband insists that this holiday too should be the same, especially since it’s their hometown and the kids need to get acquainted with the town and make more friends.
He then gives his wife the silent treatment, shunning her in the hope that she will break down and concede to his wishes.
WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
Temporary silence can give a couple the opportunity to let their emotions calm down when an argument is getting heated. That is the only beneficial type of silence, but when silence is used as a means to retaliate or manipulate, it will not only prolong the conflict but it will also undermine the respect and love the couple have for each other.
Face It:
Firstly, couples have to accept that silent treatment is just a tactic that can only produce a good result when used for a short period of time.
Even though keeping quiet may satisfy your quest for retaliation or even give you your desired aim of making your partner give in to what you want, that is no way to treat someone you profess love for.
Are there really no better ways to resolve differences?
Show Insight:
Don’t be quick to react to some statements as “You never listen” or “You are always late.” Instead, try to see the intent behind the words. Those words are just things said in the heat of the moment.
For example, what “You never listen to me” might really mean is “I feel as if you don’t take my viewpoint seriously.
Lower Your Voice.
This applies to everyone, irrespective of the gender. Nothing is achieved by shouting during an argument. Arguments tend to get worse as they continue.
An old man once explained why people shout during arguments.
He said, “when two people are in love, and they feel that their hearts are connected together and that they understand each other, they just usually whisper to each other, and they hear each other very well. But when they feel that they are not in sync with each other, they begin to raise their voices and shout as if they cannot hear each other clearly if they lower their voices”
So if there’s an argument, it clearly shows that the two hearts are not in harmony with each other.
How can you change the direction of a heated discussion?
The book Fighting for Your Marriage says: “Softening your tone and acknowledging your partner’s point of view are potent tools you can employ to diffuse tension and end escalation. Often that’s all it takes.”
Two Can Play:
If you see your partner as your teammate rather than your opponent, you will be less likely to take offense, argue, and then refuse to talk to your spouse.
It’s just like playing a game of catch.
You throw the ball gently so that it can be caught easily. You don’t fling the ball with so much force that you injure your playmate.
Giving the silent treatment will only put couples against each other to see who will back down first as the case may be. But applying the golden rule of treating people how you want to be treated will be a better approach.
Also, when you do talk, speak gently.
Throwing bitter statements will only cause harm. Instead, speak gently, so that your mate can actually catch your point.
Authored by @Sussan
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