I often feel some guilt when I want to buy for myself and I felt that I am a selfish or greedy person that doesn't deserve such things even if those things are needed like food or clothing. My underwear are all loose and it really is not good for being worn but I still use it nonetheless and doesn't want to buy new ones even though they drop when i walk.
I just thought that I am always lying down if not sitting up so I do not need some good fitting underwear. the same with other clothing that is why you see me always wearing the same t-shirts ans short pants, I even don't buy footwear or shoes until the upper rubber parts of my flip-flops gets detached I won't replace them. For me it is just a waste of money.
I only buy things that I needed like my medicine and I am afraid if I would spend needless things because I will not find anyone for sure that will buy me things that I needed if my finances would ran out. I feel that I am fending for myself and if I would lose that power to take care of myself then I would get a big problem.
So my priority is to always save for myself but it contradicts the idea of not spending for myself so that I can spend for myself in the future. But what I really want is to buy things that I needed just not to feel some guilt over it.
But currently I am thinking about the welfare more for my parents than myself and tend to set aside my own priorities and prioritize others instead before I would go for my own goals for myself.