So in my last post I explained how to get to the Trending page of Steemit even if you're the juice at the bottom of the garbage can, or as we say in Hebrew, meetz shel ha zevel (מיץ של הזבל). For those of you who didn't read it, let me recap for you.

To make it to the Trending page on Steemit, all you need to do is:

Produce a piece of content (preferably written)
Go to Steem Bot Tracker and buy approximately $100 SBD worth of upvotes
Use 5-10 resteem bots to spread your post

That's pretty much it. Somehow I managed to stretch that out into 3000 words, but that's the gist of it.

In case there's any doubt in your mind that this is NOT the way to get your post exposure (and thus make money from it), let me prove it to you right now. Here's a list of March 4th's highest earning posts from accounts with the rank of "User." These are accounts that have between .1 and 1 mega vests.

Apples to rotten apples

I don't know or care what mega vests are, but I assume it has something to do with how much SP an account has. Like I said I don't care and for the purposes of this article it's not really relevant anyway. It's just to show you that these accounts are comparable to mine. Not that it matters.

Instead of me listing all of them here and risking downvotes, I'll just send you to the post by @bitgeek that reports this kind of information. Click here and scroll about halfway down the page until you get to the "User" category. My post is ranked 2nd for that day, just behind a post called The Eye of Horus.

I'm not going to bother asking you what you think of any of those posts because, once again, it actually doesn't matter. Those were the highest earning posts for that day whether you liked them or not, only because votes were purchased by the users who posted them and the earnings magically appeared in their account.

Now, those of you who have read my previous posts on this topic know that I love to rant about this. But I am not complaining about the Steemit system per se. I think the system - aka capitalism - works great. The people who have money are the ones who get to have their voices heard, just like in the real world.

The problem is that we are not using real US dollars here, we are using fake internet money to pay for these upvotes. The upvotes from these accounts are so powerful that they deposit additional fake internet money back into the target account, usually the vote-purchaser.

Why is this a problem? Because in the real world, if I buy a full page ad in GQ magazine, a FB news feed ad, or pay an influencer for a shoutout on Instagram, the money that I paid for the ad doesn't magically appear in my account again 20 minutes later.

Yes, maybe if I sell some ebooks or whatever, I'll hopefully make the money back and then some. But it's not a closed ecosystem like Steemit is. The votes are purchased here and the money is made here. This shortening of the advertising > profit cycle is what's leading to a proliferation of low effort shitposts making, and staying, on the Trending page.

Don't hate the player, hate the game

Are you mad? Don't be. Because this is how the world works everywhere. Not just on Steemit. You're only mad because you were under the impression that this was going to be different.

You thought you could come here, post about your stupid life and people would give you magic internet money. Then you'd be able to quit your shit job and go live on the beach somewhere, living off the income from your poorly-written articles that nobody reads anyway because they're too busy scrolling to the bottom of your post to make $0.01 upvoting their own low-effort comments.

Once again, I recommend you keep your cool and simply adjust your expectations of what this platform can do for you. It is not a get rich quick scheme. It is not a get rich slow scheme. It is not a get rich at all scheme. In fact, pour some liquor out for any STEEM you have or plan to purchase because that shit is as dead as Kevin Spacey's career.

Think about it: you'll be spending that money on upvotes or hoping that it goes up during the next bull run. You won't sell it then, either. And god forbid you made the same mistake I did and convert it into SP - you'll never get that shit back lol.

Anyway, the point is that forget about making any organic money from actual users on here like you and me. Yeah great some rando upvoted your post and you made $1.16. Good for you. Go buy yourself some chocolate milk.

Now, the good news about Steemit being littered with trash content that nobody reads is that if you actually are capable of producing something of high quality, you will be able to get [relatively] huge exposure and recognition immediately with the help of some paid upvotes.

Allow myself to introduce... myself

Let's use my posts for example. Yes, I had around 400 followers already before I had what I consider my "breakout" moment on this platform, but I consider that inconsequential as there are many users that have 10 - 20x that. But my posts hit the Trending page every single time while theirs are earning $4.

Not because I'm Shakespeare 2.0, but because I spend that money.

Okay, yes, I get it. You spend money to upvote your posts. So what?

If you read through the comments on my posts, people say things like, "This is the best thing I've ever read on here..." "this is some real shit right here, you're absolutely right..." "thank you for saying what we're all thinking, I had a feeling that this was true..."

Blah blah blah, you get the idea. And yes, there are some upvote-hunting fucktards in there too who obviously didn't read the post and just made some bullshit comment. But come on, this is Steemit. Some people are still drinking the Kool Aid.

The point I'm trying to make is that because I write something that resonates with people, that makes them go, "Hey, this guy's right!" I am making a couple extra dollars now per post. It's nothing major and definitely not enough to do full-time, even in Thailand where I'm currently living.

Furthermore, it's allowing me to instantly create an audience and following FOR FREE because I'm effectively making all the money back that I paid for the exposure in the form of SBD and SP after the 7 day payout.

THAT is the power of this platform. And as the way things are right now, that's the ONLY way you should use it if your plan is to stay here long term and establish yourself.

And now a word from our sponsors

For example, I am a consultant for blockchain startups. I do their marketing, social media, blogs, whatever. Sometimes I even write articles about their companies and use my mad paid-upvote skillz to get them some additional exposure on here. Sounds good, right?

No. Stupid. Boring. That's the OLD way.

The NEW way is for me to actually mention them in a post like this. My posts about crypto get like 39 reads. These get 2000.

Let's get more specific and take one of my clients: TrueReply.

These guys have a working platform that enables users to earn cryptocurrency from voice-based paid surveys by using an Amazon Alexa device. If I were to mention them in a post like this, maybe, I dunno, post a link to their token sale which is going on right now, that might be pretty attractive to them. Don't you think?

I could even make one of those pleas that you see on websites. "Please don't be mad that I have ads here. If you like the content I'm creating, then please consider spending money with one of my sponsors. Without them, I wouldn't be able to entertain you like I am right now."

Put yourself in their shoes. They're thinking,

"Okay, this guy has people reading his posts. Who really cares why. But if he says something good about my company, or even just mentions that we exist, maybe some of the people will click that link. And maybe some of THOSE people will actually buy some tokens in the ICO."

Now, if I just made a separate post about them as a company, would you read that? Probably not.

But you're reading this, aren't you? Shit, you're 1500 words deep into this sucker. So if I went on and told you that they are already approved as an Amazon Alexa skill and that you can use their platform to earn money while you clean your apartment, that might be an effective form of marketing, don't you think?

Get it?

Now back to our regularly-scheduled program

So let's get to the actual point of this post: how do you write something that resonates with people?

I'll try and give you the best explanation that I can, but keep in mind that writing is water and I am a fish. That said, I'm fairly confident that I can distill it down simple enough that even your average paint chip-eating Steemian circle-jerker can understand it.

Highlighted for emphasis:

First off, forget all the advice anyone has ever given you about this platform. I don't care if Jesus himself told you to do things a certain way, fuck him. From now on you listen to me and ONLY me about how to succeed here. No false modesty about, "oh well I mean I'm not the BEST writer in the world, but here's my bitch ass opinion..."

No. For all intents and purposes, yes, I am the best writer in the world and the advice I'm about to give you is more important than God, your mom and Obama combined.

They like it long and hard

For example, as I was reading through the comments of a few of my posts, I saw something that irritated the fuck out of me.

"Wow, can't believe I read ALL of that!"
"omg, this was great but it was too long. Should have split it into 10 different posts IMO."
"This was great, but way longer than necessary. Next time, try to make it shorter."

With all due respect, fuck these people. Motherfucker have you never read anything longer than a Facebook status in your life? What are you, 9 years old?

When I read shit like this, I lose a little bit of faith in the human race. Fuck I mean it's not like I wrote a 1000 page novel over here. This is real talk about making money and getting your shit together, full of jokes and profanity. Easiest fucking read of your life.

Am I going to make my posts shorter to accommodate these paint chip-eating, Twinkie-bingeing, goldfish-brained peasants? Absolutely not. In fact, when I hear shit like that it tells me that I need to make them EVEN LONGER. Don't like it? I don't give a shit. Go watch TV or something.

Any copywriter will tell you that long copy sells better than short copy. I'm not selling anything here, but the point is that if you are reading a good book, you don't want it to end. My dad used to say that he wouldn't read any book under 300 pages. When I heard that I thought he was crazy. But as I got older and found a few good authors I understood where he was coming from.

Look, at the end of the day, the people who like what you're writing, filming, singing or whatever will want you to keep doing that shit indefinitely. How many times have you seen a movie or watched a show and been like, "Damn I wish this wasn't only 2 hours long!"

I don't know about you, but I love The Walking Dead (haven't seen the past two seasons so don't be an asshole and spoil it for me). Anyway, every so often I'll binge 5-6 episodes and every time I do I think the same thing, "I wish there was an entire channel that was set in The Walking Dead universe." All Walking Dead, all the time.

If I watched TV, or if I had a TV, or if I had time, I would spend hours watching that shit.

Furthermore, when you write 3000 words about a topic, you're able to really flesh out your idea in a way that a generic 300 word blog post just can't.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even read articles anymore. I just read the headline and the first sentence because everything after that is generally just filler. How many times have you read self-improvement posts that have the stupidest, most generic, common sense advice that anyone with half a brain would know? Innumerable.

Nobody reads that shit. Nobody thinks it's interesting. Nobody will remember you for that, unless it's their first exposure to that particular concept, which is highly unlikely because chances are you're probably not an important person. Furthermore, if you're only writing 300 word articles, not only are you definitely not an important person, but you simply aren't using enough words to fully entrance the minds of your readers.

Why do you think magic spells are spoken? Why isn't it a magic dance, or a magic pantomime? Because back in the day people knew that words were powerful enough to make people do shit. These days we're so inundated with distractions that it's hard to penetrate into someone's psyche for long enough to manipulate them into thinking what we want them to think.

Why do we love good movies? Why do we watch them in a theater on a massive screen with surround sound? Why are the lights turned off in a theater? It's all designed to immerse us in the movie because that's what we crave.

On the flip side, we hate BAD movies because they fail to do so. They're predictable, trite and too boring to keep our interest. We aren't able to fully unplug from our horrible lives and feel like we're somewhere else.

Write for the paint chip-eaters

Okay, the next thing you need to do is to write using simple language. Write at a 3rd grade level. Write in a way that your friend's little sister would understand you if they decide to read something that you wrote.

When you use big intelligent-sounding words, you don't sound intelligent. You sound like someone who likes the smell of his own farts. Or as we say in Hebrew, a faltzan (פלצאן).

Another benefit of using simple language is that you can make literally anything sound interesting. I could write 3000 words about what I did today, and because I use simple language, it would be a light and easy read.

In fact, this is exactly what I did for years back in the MySpace days. My simple mind confused Myspace's "blog" feature with "diary," and I basically wrote 4-5 journal entries per week and posted them on my public page for everyone to see.

It may sound weird to you, but the first six months that I did that was probably the most transformational period of my life. And I've spent time in a foreign military, lived in a dozen countries, and spent 7 years selling fucking hair straighteners in shopping malls. But those six months where I was publishing my diary where everyone and their mother could read it are STILL the most important six months of my life.

Now, this isn't a plug for you to turn Steemit into your own personal diary, but I reaped huge rewards from doing this. For one thing, I learned that with proper storytelling technique, you can make anything sound interesting. People enjoy reading things they can relate to. If you simply write what happens in the physical world, something like meeting a girl's eyes for a moment before she nervously looks away, people go, "oh yeah, that's a real thing. It's happened to me before," and they keep reading.

That's a trite example that I just came up with off the top of my head, but in any given conversation between you and another human being there are literally an infinite amount of minor details like that which can add to your writing. And by keeping a daily journal and cataloging these seemingly insignificant events in your life, you learn to read situations so quickly that you'll get so good you get bored before the situation is even 10% finished.

That's why I like unique girls. But that's another blog post.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm telling you to keep a journal or not, because seriously how much time do you have in a day? But if you're able to then I highly recommend it. I remember many, many times spending 3 hours to write a journal entry - and that was just the first draft.

Which brings me to my next point...

Good writing is rewriting

If you are the type of person who sits down, writes a bunch of words, and then clicks the publish button, then you are basically worse than Hitler. Ok fine not really, but there's a reason why they call it a "first draft." Because that implies that there will be a second, and third etc.

Now, I'm not saying that you need to literally re-type everything that you wrote. No. That's stupid. What you should do is go back and re-read what you wrote. Obviously you don't want any spelling or grammar mistakes.

But you also want to make sure that you're not repeating words too often. When you skim the page, you want it to be aesthetically pleasing. Even if you're not actually reading the words, you want certain parts to be bolded, capitalized, italicized, whatever. You want to see links, images, headings. All that shit will keep people on your page, reading and reading until they go back to watching cat videos on Instagram.

If you really want to be cool, then you'll put in the work to become a fast typist as well. For me, writing 3000 words is a lot of work. Not going to say that it isn't. But I can do it in one sitting because I'm able to get my thoughts on paper soon after they pop into my head.

Someone who doesn't type quickly won't have that luxury. But fortunately for you, typing is a skill which can be improved.

When I was a little kid, my first computer was a Performa 550 Macintosh. That thing was a piece of garbage even back then. It could barely do anything, but it was all I had. I had a couple of games that came pre-installed (Movod 2 anyone?), one of which was Mario Teaches Typing.

For lack of anything better to do, I played Mario Teaches Typing way more than I should have. It's one of those typing games where you type in sentences and Mario progresses through a level. By then I had already had a typing class in school and knew where the keys were, so it was just a matter of sharpening my skills.

In our typing class, our final test was typing the letters A - Z and the numbers 1 - 0 in under one minute with a cardboard box covering our hands. That class was probably the most valuable part of my entire education.

If you're a pecker and only use your index fingers, I don't know what to tell you. Start practicing. Or just start making videos.

If you can get them to laugh, they'll sleep with you

There are two rules to being a popular content creator:

Be entertaining
Don't be un-entertaining

If these rules are followed, they will lead you to the golden goose. If not followed, then you'll be forgotten faster than yesterday's Adsactly post about the rare chickens of Guatemala or whatever the fuck they write about over there.

Doesn't matter if you drop the hardest knowledge bombs on people if you're not entertaining. Doesn't matter if you're a husband and a father if you're not entertaining. Doesn't matter if you want to stop world hunger or cure breast cancer if you're not entertaining.

You may get some points for virtue signaling, maybe even a few for shock value if you decide to be controversial. But if you want long-lasting popularity and acclaim as whatever you build yourself into, you must entertain your audience.

Say what you want about Bill O'Reilly - shit, Fox News in general - but people watched his show and others on that network because they are entertaining. And it is through that knowledge of HOW to entertain that they are able to spread their message to such a massive audience.

For those of you who are just starting, chances are you're not entertaining at all. That's fine. Nobody's born with skill and expertise. In fact, the first 100 pieces of content you produce will probably be trash. That's also fine.

But if you continue to produce a body of work, you will improve over time. Sometimes the improvement will be gradual, sometimes it will come in giant leaps. But it will happen. And if you work with the intent of entertaining your audience - whether it be to impress them with something beautiful, make them laugh, or take them on an emotional roller coaster - you will eventually integrate that into your own personal style.

Hard work? Ain't nobody got time fo dat

Wow, did you actually read all that? Good for you. You're probably exhausted by now, thinking to yourself, "Fuck all that shit. Sounds like way too much work for a platform that's rigged anyway."

And you're absolutely right. There is literally no reason for you to do any of the things that I just painstakingly explained how to do. Zero reason. None of it will matter anyway because posts get to the Trending page only from paid upvotes and resteems.

So why did I bother writing about this? Simple. For selfish reasons, I want this platform to succeed. Despite the way it currently works, there is POTENTIAL for it to actually work as intended. A simple change like a group of Steemit Gods getting together and curating content, or delegating some of their SP to someone who feels like doing it (not me) would do wonders for this place.

Highlighted again for emphasis:

If people actually can earn money for using this platform, then it will attract talented content creators who will contribute something of value. Those talented content creators will then create quality content which will be shared throughout the internet and point right back to, you guessed it, Steemit. More people will join. Most of them will be shit. But some of them will understand the magic of this place, that from Day 1 you can pay a little money and get thousands of eyes on your writing and instant social proof.

Do I believe that's going to happen within my lifetime? Not really. But it's fun to think about. And in the meantime, I'll keep writing retarded shit that gets longer and crazier until nobody actually reads it except my most diehard fans. Meanwhile, everyone else will just skim to the bottom and leave dumb ass comments like, "Great post u really explain this good plz upvote me page."

But hey, that's Steemit for you.

Do you think having better content on Steemit will make the platform more popular?

Let me know in a comment!

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How To Trick Paint Chip-Eating Circle-Jerkers Into Commenting And Upvoting Your Posts