Parents' expectations of their child - what if they are disappointed?

Parents set early expectations and hopes in their children - how their children should be, what they can or should achieve. But often these hopes are disappointed - and that's usually not the children.

Already during pregnancy, most expectant parents paint a picture of their child out of anticipation - what it looks like or how it will be, what talents and interests it will have. At the same time, parents project expectations into their children at this early stage. This is natural and understandable, but not always helpful. For what if the children do not fulfill these hopes later? In this case, parents may be disappointed by their child - and that without the child being able to do anything for themselves.

How do we become who we are?

All humans are products of their genes, their education, of environmental influences and later also their own decisions. How big the influence of which factor is, there are still no definitive research results.

The physical conditions are innate and even with the facilities for the future temperament children come already to the world. Parents of more than one child often wonder how much siblings differ, even though they seemingly share genes, education, and the environment. But it is just that the same influences on different people have different effects. A child finds the first contact with strangers exciting, the other is afraid. In addition to the temperament and age, the "form of the day" also plays a role in such experiences - and these experiences can be influential for a child.

The influence of the parents is great

Undoubtedly, however, parents have a great influence on a child - through their genes, their upbringing, and the experiences that children have through and with their parents in the many formative early years. But to form a child according to one's own ideas does not work in many cases.

If parents are actually disappointed in their expectations of their child, then in most cases they simply have other hopes in their child - or too high.

If, despite all your support, your child may not become the sports gun or concert pianist you desired, it may not be due to under-effort by the child, but perhaps the last bit of talent missing. Maybe as a parent you did not give that to him, and for that reason, the child himself will not be able to make the way to the top.

Also, if your child is not as focused, obedient, or lively, and outgoing as you wish as a parent, it is often due to your genes or the influence you have on your child through your upbringing, your role model, or your living environment to have.

If your child does not behave the way you want it to be - not so obedient - then there are many reasons for that: a very brisk child may not be busy and therefore rebellious, your offspring simply inherently have a rebellious nature You, as a parent, have failed to convey to your child why it should listen to you.

If a child at school is not as good as it could be (or, in the parents' opinion, should be), it could be due to a lack of motivation. Maybe it is not clear with the teachers and their knowledge transfer or the classmates. Maybe the child simply did not understand why it pays off to invest time and effort in school. Not for the parents, but for their own future. Here parents can show their children what they can do later with a degree - and what is not possible without such.

What to do if children do not develop as they had imagined?

Pressure is counterproductive in the education of children in most cases. It is also only appropriate if children run the risk of self-locking their own lives at an early stage - through crime, for example. If parents build up too much pressure, it is possible that a child - even in activities that have given him much joy - loses his appetite and blocks it from now on.

However, if children do not develop the talents, interests, or qualities that parents would have liked, it may be a pity for the parents themselves, but not really bad at first, and also common. Loving parents should support their children in discovering and developing their own abilities and interests. A good start is to accept one's own child as one's own personality. As it is, with all its weaknesses, but also its strengths. Who knows - maybe your child will surprise you with skills in unexpected areas. Children who are not sports guns may shine in science, in the arts or programming.

What is important in the end?

At some point, every child will have to live His life, not the parents. Do not we all want happy children who are at peace with themselves and self-confident in life?

If a child does not have the talent or the bite to become a professional athlete or a professional musician, then that is not his vocation. But if a child retains the joy of movement or the love of making music for the rest of his life, then parents have given their offspring something nice to go along with.