“Suicide can never be a solution so don’t make it an option.”
-JRM
Lost in a sea of misery and in a world full of darkness. I wanted to run, escape from everything but I just can’t. I felt like I’m stuck so I duck and cried my every hopes and my faith to live had been broken. I was known as a strong girl that has a full of control of herself however there are times that I was fragile. Those times are not my greatest moments I feel weak and I despite being weak so I struggle hard to be strong but no matter what I do/did deep within me my demons are/were always there ready to knock me down, Its barely hard to breathe, all I wanted is for them to leave.
Its an experience I don’t want to encounter again. We’re I can’t help but think of a suicide to fix everything that is going around us. I let the darkness control us, I’m not in my right consciousness/head and we only felt helpless. People say don’t let your problems get you but its easy to say than to do it. So don’t easily judge the people who think of suicide you might think they are weak to let the demon swallowed them but the truth is they are stronger than they can be because they had overcome the’re devils inside them and fight a good fight to survive with all their might.
In those times I feel that I’m drowning in a deep melancholy that I can’t surface and I was devoured by my hatred in life on how unfair they are towards me. I felt how useless and stupid I am. Worthless that has nothing to go but only in a wrong path with wrong decisions. That day I never spoken to any of my family nor my friends, always listening to sad songs and looking at suicidal pictures and thinking what would happen if i’ll die today? Would there be changes? Would thing be in a right place? Of course I didn’t got a right answer for that but after lying down in my dark and eerie room I decided to eat before deciding on what I would do.
As I step out in my room a bright light from the sun shone towards me since our home has a wide open window in or kitchen were our room is located. Not metamorphically but really I was brightened by the bright light and my mind was heightened with a couple of solutions of my problems. Then smiled at the sun and thank the lord for not giving up on me even though I was about to give up on him.
We tend to have this mind set that keeping our problems by ourselves and piling our sorrow, not talking to anyone and just doesn’t let it out in the world is fine but it’s not. We always thought why would we let people affect by our wrong doings, none of our problems is their concern so why tell it to them?. However no matter what we do in keeping it hidden it just doesn’t seem to well. Because those attitude that we store everything inside and those decisions in carrying those problems alone just doesn’t work. It never does.
“May your blog posts don’t have any wrong grammars” (like mine)
Roxy signing out.