When I was 5 or 6 years old, something terrible happened to me, something that caused a ripple effect of repeated incidents throughout my life, led me to patterns of self-sabotaging behaviour and that I had largely blocked out of my memory for most of my life. Sensitive readers may wish to look away ……here it is:
The dinner lady wouldn’t let me have a second helping of lime jelly because I hadn’t eaten all of my horrible mashed potato!!!!
I know, dreadful isn’t it? Yet this seemingly insignificant incident was the seed that began a lifetime of anger and resentment against authority figures and commenced a number of subconscious beliefs that have sabotaged me in numerous tiny (and larger) ways on my journey towards freedom, happiness and success.
So how is it that this realisation came to me at the age of thirty eight, two years ago and almost thirty two years after the tiny event? Well, while working with another Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner, Susie Shelmerdine, I started to explore the reasons that I was not progressing in my new business as I’d hoped. I discovered that, even though I was now doing something I loved, I was still subconsciously linking many essential aspects of operating my business with my old work in the financial services industry. This was leading to procrastination and resistance to doing what was required to be successful. The biggest issue of all was that I was associating doing these things with obeying and giving in to my perceived nemesis – AUTHORITY!
We then used a technique called follow the energy to uncover earlier times in my life when I had felt the same way. This led me to a time when I was fifteen years old and had been gated (banned from going out in the evening) one a school ski trip by one of the teachers for a “crime” I did not commit. We then used tapping to release the anger that my younger self felt and then enabled him to understand that people generally do what they believe to be right and that there was no malice in the teacher’s actions, even though he had made a mistake. This was the end of the session and Susie suggested that I wait a couple of days for things to settle and then continue to explore this belief using tapping in between sessions.
A couple of nights later, I woke up during the night and decided to take the opportunity to do a bit of tapping, so I tuned into the feelings in my body and allowed them to take me back to wherever they were going to go and………BAM! My entire being was flooded with rage. Even worse, it was an impotent anger that had been stored deep in my being since the age of five when the dinner lady had not allowed me to have my second helping of lime jelly! The five year old me had no strategy to deal with this unexpected stamping down of the authoritarian jackboot and had therefore experienced a freeze response, leaving this energy and emotion stored in my body and energy system and creating the seed of a belief that I would be oppressed by authority.
Once I had tapped and released enough of my own anger, I then communicated with my 5 year old self and supported him to release all of the anger that he was feeling. Once this was clear, I asked this subconscious part of me what he wanted to do to resolve this and he simply asked for a giant bowl of lime jelly along with strawberry ice cream. This was what he needed (not what I thought he needed!) to feel comfortable and powerful in the situation.
While it seemed like the tiniest of setbacks imaginable, the impact on my life had been profound, as it had made me hyper-vigilant to see oppression from authority. Of course, what you are looking for, you experience – we seek the teeth that bit us. When exploring areas of stuckness in their lives, people are often looking for big traumatic events. Without taking anything away from the massive impact that these can have in our lives, these memories are often easy to identify and address with tapping techniques. The tiniest things that cause massive ripples throughout our belief systems and lives can be so much harder to find as our conscious adult self will have rationalised, or even long since forgotten them – yet they can be just as impactful on us moving forwards towards emotional freedom and living our life of choice.
So, how did my life change? Firstly, I can confirm that my healthy scepticism of authority remains. However, I now feel much more empowered and without resentment in this dynamic. As far as my business goes, I’ve realised that organising myself and building structure into my life actually creates more, not less freedom for me. Clearing the negative energy about putting simple systems in place has made it easier for me to be efficient, spend more time doing the client work and workshops that I love and also doing the other really important things for me, such as spending time with my family and friends and enjoying myself. It was also an important learning for me in the work that I do to understand that the tiniest situations in the past can echo massively throughout our lives and releasing the emotional effects can make a huge difference.
If you are feeling stuck in any area of life and there doesn't seem to be a reason why, you could have a "Lime Jelly Moment" waiting to be discovered and resolved. Get in touch here if you'd like to explore this.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : https://eftnow.co.uk/the-terrible-thing-an-authority-figure-did-and-what-it-meant-to-me/