Why liking someone else in our class may happen to us? If there’s hope to escape the friend zone ,how can it be done?The term of friendzone was popularized by the TV show Friends on November 1994 .In the first season , Joey tells Ross that Rachel likes him but will never like like him . Ross is in the friendzone. now of course everything turned out finr for Ross, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. What you feel when you have a crush on somebody is known Limerence.
It’s exciting to feel butterflies in your stomach whenever you’re around somebody and those butterfly may be cause by release of adrenaline, which pulls blood away from things like your stomach and toward the muscles . Where it may be better used, of course this can cause the stomach to shut down a bit, become upset. It may also explain why people have a reduced appetite when they feel love sick. Now, whether you are male, female ,gay or straight everybody can be friendzoned. And biologically speaking, the route of the friend zone may be Bateman’s Principle. Named after Angus Bateman, the principle states that whenever a species like us humans contains 2 different sexes, each with dissimilar sex cells.
For instance, sperm and egg, inevitably one sex will have to commit more resource to the production of offspring. In mammals this is especially true. A female can have only a limited number of offspring. Whereas a male can have a virtually unlimited number. This causes a biological tendency for one sex to be competitive and for the other to be choosy. The newest episode of Earth Touch’s “Wild Sex” goes into a lot more detail about this so be sure to check it out. But today, regardless of whether or not reproduction is the goal the roles of pursuer and pursued have extended beyond the Bateman principle and now are quite hard wired into our culture. Because not every pursuer can win and because not every pursuer is a terrible jerk. Some friend zoning in is inevitable.
It’s disappointing when it happens to you and it’s easy to rely on the “nice guys finish last” excuse, but so far research hasn’t found much evidence for it. What is more likely is that you have idealize the other person as a potential mate. But a neutral observer could tell you that in reality the two of you don’t have as much in common as you think. Homogamy we select our mates based on how similar they are to our own personalities, interest and ideals for the future. And so when someone is friend zoned, it’s often not because they were too friendly or too much a nice. Instead, it’s often just of the mill incompatibility. But let’s not rule out being too friendly or too nice from every situation just yet.
Buffness falls into homogamy. It’s a about what someone else’s interest are and what they want from a mate .What fascinate me is the part about being unobtainable. Why would being available and present and friendly make you less attractive? And why would being kind of a jerk, too cool or hard to make you more attractive? Robert Cialdini calls this the Scarcity Principle. We desire things that are difficult to obtain because we don’t like to have our freedom limited and we act before it can be. This happens all the time in business and it’s equally true when it comes to attraction. Using the scarcity effect yourself is often cited as a possible escape route from the friend zone. Make yourself less available and see if your crush respond, or try using the Ben Franklin effect. Benjamin Franklin wrote about how he was able to form relationships with other people by asking them to do things for him.
The theory is that by doing favors for you cognitive dissonance occurs in the a person’s mind. Why would they doing favors for you unless they like you? Now, it’s no guarantee that you’ll become more than friend but just like simply becoming friends, you’ll be doing something quite special. Because today, we all on average have fewer friend, fewer close individuals . We can confide in than we did decades ago. And we hang out with those friends less than we did before. This phenomenon was explored by Robert Putnam in “Bowling Alone”. For instance, from 1965 to 1995, the number of minutes people all ages reported spending per day with informal socializing, hanging out with friends, going out to parties or informal conversations fell from 85 minutes to just 57 minutes.
In about the same time frame, the number of picnics held fell 60%. And the number of times on average we entertain friends at home fell from 14 to 15 times a year to a mere 8. We spend more time than we used to on entertainment,sleep,exercise and transportation. But since the middle of 20th century , the 2 activities that many of us still do that have decrease the most are attending hanging out with friends. We are also now spending time on this new things called the Internet. It’s a great tool for communication and social networking but like T.S. Eliot said of the telephone before it, the internet may simply allow us to speak to more people and it also encourage us to express our feeling like #steemit than ever before , but be more lonely doing it.
Social networks have somewhat diluted of the word friend. But way before Instagram or Facebook, the word friend was on the way out. So much so that we had to start using a new word ‘Best Friend’. Robert Wuth now cautions that on the internet what feels social maybe less of way for us to focus on actual interpersonal relationships, and instead more of a stage for us to focus on ourselves in the presence of other people. To be sure, virtual communities are often more equal, that is because we know less information about our discussion partners, like age, race or gender. But what we gain from anonymity often comes at the cost of an evening out of interests and values. I can retreat from real-word conservations and hide within niche communities online where everyone thinks like me and generally shares my worldview. It’s called cyberbalkanization. It’s when online interactions provide a lazy environment, free from actual discussion and outside views. Whereas the real world often force us to deal with greater diversity of interest and values. Now, because we choose mates that are so similar to ourselves, this vital exposure to new honest idea has to come from friends, a resource that is diminishing in our society. And so it’s disappoint to be friend-zoned, in a way it might be where that other person, and all of us actually need you the most.
Reference
1.friendzone
2.Friends
3.Limerence
4.adrenaline
5.Homogamy
6.Scarcity Principle
7.Ben Franklin effect
8.“Bowling Alone”
9.Internet
10.cyberbalkanization
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