“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” - Ian Maclaren
This often misattributed quote has been echoing through my head in pretty much an endless loop since I first read the news on social media Friday morning.
Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide at 61. I immediately checked Snopes, hoping it wasn't true. As the clock ticked and the story developed it grew ever more clear that it was.
There’s been far too many of these kinds of headlines recently but this one hit me especially hard. I first found his show, No Reservations, in 2005 and was instantly hooked. This was not only a man who clearly achieved his dreams through hard work, dedication, and pure talent but someone that you'd like to sit down and have a beer with.
His talent ran deep. He was one of the most gifted storytellers of our time. Through his work Mr. Bourdain inspired me to become a better writer, to travel more, take less shit from people, and to make (and eat) good food. When I watched an episode of No Reservations or Parts Unknown it was as though a creative switch was flipped in my brain, by time the credits rolled I was inspired to write.
In this particular phase of his life he appeared to have it all, to be at the very top of his career. This is a potent reminder that you can never judge anyone or anything by outward appearances. Life can often be a vomit-inducing roller coaster. Add money, a glamorous career, and fame into the mix and the drops get steeper and the twists and turns jab you with with an almost inconceivably destructive force.
Few in this world are untouched by depression. Even if you don’t personally suffer from it you suffer indirectly by those around you who are inflicted by the condition. I was hit with debilitating bouts of depression in my younger years and been surrounded by people whose lives have been completed stunted by it.
People can become very adept at hiding how they really feel, even from their most intimate of friends. I’m guilty of looking at the past through rose-colored glasses but the decade I was born into was just as messed up as society is today, the dysfunction just took on different forms.
During the era I was raised we were taught to suppress our emotions at a very young age. In the neighborhood I grew up in boys were taught to “be brave” and suppress our fears. It was commonplace to hear parents saying to their children, “Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about!” Girls weren’t spared, I witnessed a lot of them being regularly conditioned to “be nice”, taught to suppress their anger.
Guess what? Emotions left unexpressed never get processed and released which means they eventually resurface as health conditions, personality disorders, depression, and a plethora of toxic states of being.
I’d venture a guess that a large swath of Generation X has spent most of their adult lives recovering from their childhoods. This is probably also true of every other generation. I’d like to be clear, I'm placing no blame. I’m a firm believer that, unless people are evil psychopaths, most of us do the best they can with the tools we have to work with.
Where am I headed with this? We must somehow learn to be more sympathetic to one another. If your intuition tells you someone in your life is struggling, trust your instinct and reach out to them. If you find yourself struggling in any way talk to someone about it, get help. If you admire or appreciate someone in your life tell them, it could make a real difference in their lives. Words left unsaid can be life’s greatest regret.
If something upsets you, express it in a constructive manner. Be the person you feel were born to be, not the person you think others want you to be. As humans we always tend to think that others have their shit more together than we do but I think the truth is no one has it all figured out, some are just way better actors.
I don’t know why we’re all here on this wounded planet circling the sun together. Maybe the whole purpose of our existence is to figure out exactly who we are, work towards being more balanced human beings, and support each other in the process? That seems like a good start to me.
Your unique presence and voice will be greatly missed, Mr. Bourdain.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, please know that you are not alone. If you are in danger of acting on suicidal thoughts, call 911. For support and resources, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text 741-741 for the Crisis Text Line.
Yours in the Chain,
Eric Vance Walton
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