So, here’s a thing. Couple of days ago, I texted my Mom and offered her to go for a short vacation to Malta. Cheap flights, accommodation and a program planned completely by me. All she needed to say was yes. But, knowing my Mom, I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. She said she needed a couple of days to think about it and eventually started offering me other options until the tickets got too expensive and the whole plan blew up.
I wasn’t surprised. She always talks about wanting to travel, going to see places, always tells stories about other people going somewhere and says how she would love to do the same. However, when an opportunity presents itself, she runs and shelters in her doubts, finding a thousand excuses as to why this is not the right time and so all of her dreams only stay that, dreams. I asked her, what do you have to lose? Didn’t get an answer. Because she knew I was right. She lived her whole life ‘according to the book’ and so being spontaneous and taking a small risk is not something she does or is comfortable with. And that is not to say she’s not been a great Mom because she’s been more than that – my best friend, my best support, my shoulder to cry and everything else in between.
However, I wish a day would come where she would just take a risk, say yes and not think much but I know it will take me years and years to convince her of anything like that. Why? Because she’s scared, she’s never been there, she doesn’t know if the weather will be nice, how would she drive on the other side of the road, what if there’s not enough time to see everything and many more hows and whys and whats and ifs…
That made me think – why do people fear? What keeps my Mom from taking risks, saying yes to something completely unknown and just leaving her comfort zone?
Taking a risk implies doing something you usually don’t do. Saying yes to a spontaneous vacation, taking an unknown road, going up to that person that looks interesting and who you don’t know. What all these things have in common is leaving your comfort zone. Some people have the natural ability to do so and others have been comfortably sitting in it their whole lives thinking how cheeky it would be to rebel for once and not adhere to societal norms, constantly thinking of what the society will think of them as it is frowned upon to be selfish and go on a little holiday with leaving your husband and kids at home, just to enjoy yourself.
Another theory is that being prone to taking risks is something inherited genetically. Going back to the example with my Mom, I know that my grandma, or my Mom’s Mom is just the same. She has her routines, her ways of doing things, when offered to come visit us she finds a million reasons as to why it is not the right time, not the right whether, not the right moon position and so forth. Growing up seeing such an example, never made my Mom question whether she should do something differently and just let loose a little sometimes.
Of course, such things as fear of being spontaneous are little, however, by inducing it to people’s lives and pushing them to step out of the comfort zone, look beyond what is usual and just enjoy life, we can help someone become more free and feel more happy. I’ve been working on my Mom for couple years now and can’t wait to see her breakthrough but at the same time it’s sad to see her being afraid.
What about you? What do you think makes people be afraid?