He Was the wrong choice
CHAPTER 1
As soon as I heard the car drive out, I felt a sharp pain pierce my tummy, it was so intense I couldn't stand still. When the pain subsided, I walked into the living room and picked out all the dirty plates and bottles that where scattered before I started cleaning up.
It took me about three hours to get everything back in place. By the time I was done, the house was spotless. I prepared supper before taking a warm bath.
"What am I still doing in this house?" I asked myself as the water hit my skin
"It's been 11 years even if you move out where will you go? Where will you start from?" My inner voice responded.
"I am so tired of living a lie" I sighed getting out of the bathroom, I wasn't hungry so I just wore my pink short night dress and got into bed hoping Bonnie would come home in time. I had already started dozing when I heard a loud bang on the door, I sprang out of bed, covered myself up and rushed to the door.
It was past 23, I opened the door without asking who it was. Bonnie stared at me for sometime before pushing me aside and walking into the house.
I locked up the door and followed him to our room. I found him sitting on the bed trying to remove his shoes.
"Should I bring your food here or you will eat from the dinning room?" I asked but didn't get any response
"Babe I asked you a question"
"Winnie and your silly little tantrums, can't you shut up for once?"
"Goodnight babe" I responded getting under the blankets.
I kept turning and tossing, I couldn't sleep my heart was bleeding, for the past 11 years I had given my all, I had been nothing but a great wife, I had loved and respected my husband as I had been taught. I had been submissive just like the Bible taught me to. What did I get in return? Insults, beatings and humiliation after humiliation but despite that, I stayed put.
One might ask why i didn't leave when he started acting up. I had thought about leaving him so many times but how could I leave a man I had built my life around? How could I just pack and go? I had promised to be by his side for eternity, I had vowed to hold his hand and stay for better for worse.
Moreover where would I go? Who would take me in, knowing fully well they had been against my marriage since day one. I couldn't leave and accept defeat, I couldn't show the world I had failed at being a wife.
"He will change I am sure he is just going through a bad phase in life." I always comforted my self.
"Walk away now before he breaks you more than he has broken you already" A friend of mine had insisted
"I am a woman Mandie, you don't expect me to just give up on my marriage so another woman can come and reap where she did not sow, women fight for what they believe in, women know how to handle pain, women are strong creatures no matter what you throw at them, they come out of it 10 times stronger. Women are survivors Mandie, this won't kill me, it will make me stronger" I had told her
But looking back now, I wish I had left then, I wish I had taken Mandie's advice, maybe just maybe I would have a better and stable life.
You see when I met Bonnie, it was love at first sight and I was willing to do just anything to be with him. We didn't actually have a glamourous wedding or a big marriage ceremony, we did it the traditional way but all that didn't matter because I loved him.
I remember moving into his house which was practically empty with nothing but a single mattress that his father had been kind enough to give us. There was nothing in his house not even a spoon but I didn't mind on how we would survive.
"Love conquers all, we shall make it." I always told him
I would walk about two kilometers to my aunties place to ask for food so we would not starve, he was working then but his job wasn't stable and he wasn't bringing in any money at home even when he got paid.
Sometimes I wish there was a machine that we could use to detect people's true colours,that way a lot of us would be saved from heart breaks. If only I had listened to mum, maybe I would have married a better and honourable man but well I had made my bed and now it was time for me to lie in it.
I had complained and complained about his behaviour but he never changed. The more I talked about it the more distant he became. What hurt was the fact that he didn't respect me at all, he would humiliate me even in public and not once would he be remorseful for his actions.
I had called for several meetings from both my family and his own but all those where in vain. I decided to let Bonnie be after trying so hard to fix us.
"Mwana wanga chikwati nikushipisha, just be a good wife he will change some day" An elderly woman at church hard told me
"But when?" I had cried out
"When he sees if fit, ubuchende wambwaume tabutoba in'ganda as long as you behave yourself then you have nothing to worry about" And like the good child I was I put those words to use, not once did I disrespect Bonnie, I was always a good truthful wife.