I am a changed man. After taking a long hard look at myself in the mirror I realized something. I realized that I hate mirrors. So I got rid of it. Now I have to shave using the back of a spoon. I actually look better if I'm honest. Even with all those cuts on my face. They add character. That's beside the point. I was telling you how much I've changed. There was yet another awards ceremony last night. I'm not even going to mention it. Let's roll that back. I have mentioned it, but I'm not going to rant about it. I had an epiphany so to speak. When you think about it, those fabulously wealthy Hollywood celebrities are a minority. A tiny minority. Attacking them is discriminatory. I was being a bigot. I've learned now. I understand my past behavior caused hurt and pain to those far more fortunate and privileged than I. Now I've changed. I've learned and grown. I will no longer project my hate speech at these innocent people. I'm not even going to mock their culture in an ironic way. Fingers crossed my transformation lasts at least until my next psychotic break.
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Their fellow crewmen, Fetu and Pengelly were exactly where they'd left them. It would have been extraordinary if this were not the case. Most things are generally where they'd last been left. Jake really did need to sort himself out. This was serious, he assumed. His meandering thought processes ought to be better focused. Focused on getting out of this alive and relatively intact. Captain Scarlet, careful that was a road best left untraveled right now, had told them to wait there. Therefore there was where they waited. The two of them greeted their captain. They even acknowledged him. That was remarkable progress.
"That's been taken care of. Now we need transport. Something discreet that can't be tracked. We don't want anyone knowing our business." Doxy announced.
"I know just where we can find a lovely little Roughrider Captain. Galpo will be more than willing to lend it. He owes me. He doesn't know that he owes me but he will shortly."
Having experienced her methods before, Jake sought some reassurance.
"I hope you don't mind me asking Captain, but the need for anonymity seems to indicate that what we will be doing is illegal."
He was quite happy with that. Non confrontational and diplomatic.
"Not necessarily. I don't want anyone knowing my comings and goings. The data could be hacked. Someone with sufficient intelligence could work out what we're doing. They could preempt us and gain a head start. I can't be too careful knowing that other actors are out there."
"Right. That's fine then. Nothing illegal."
"Not much." Doxy countered. "Most of what we will be doing will be legal. Some of it will be skirting the limits of the law and a lot of it will be prohibited. To be honest I'm not fully cognisant of the entire legal system, so I just do shit and worry about it later. What I do know is who I need to bribe to make things go away."
"There's going to be shooting and violence isn't there?"
"Just a little bit." She held her thumb and forefinger a couple of centimeters apart to illustrate.
"You see I'd have been a lot happier if that were smaller. I haven't got your contacts and I bruise like a peach. Unlike the rest of you I'm not experienced in these matters. That will cause a lot of confusion. I'll be standing and fighting when you're running away. Or running away when I should be standing still."
Fetu clubbed him on the back reassuringly.
"We never back down and we never run away." He declared.
"We do however make the occasional strategic withdrawal." Pengelly added.
"Always with style." Scarlet concluded. "Now let's get busy."
Galpo turned out to be a very shifty individual who lived close to the docks. The sort of person you'd carefully count your fingers after shaking hands with. He was unpleasant to say the least. The smell being the best bit. He and Pengelly negotiated. Eventually their transport was blackmailed out of the resentful villain. Whatever Pengelly had on the man, it must have been awful. The vehicle, which was a very loose description skirting the limits of reality, was produced. Jake had to be dragged into the back of it by his captain. Sitting down with as little ass pressure as he could manage, Jake tried to avoid touching anything else. There was a lot of dirt. Enough to be certain that cleaning this thing would compromise its structural integrity. Fetu drove, Pengelly seated beside him. It was open top. In that whatever covering it had possessed was a distant memory. As the electric car made it to the street something flew into Jake's open mouth. He began to pray that it wasn't anything from their transport. Hoping with all his might that it was merely a piece of dog shit thrown up from the road.
So far they'd only moved around the harbor. As they entered the city proper there was a road block. Half a dozen soldiers, three security mechs, two of which were blocking the road, and gun turrets. Oh dear. Hermes was still AWOL. His passion for Morag not only having struck him dumb, but also affected his capabilities. Not in a good way. There was a chance that those new cloaking algorithms, the engineer had installed, might be ineffective. Worse still Jake spotted that those soldiers were using a hand held thing on the passengers in the car in front of them. It had blinking lights and tentacle like metal probes that waved around. Testing and sampling no doubt. There was also a scanning machine as well with beams that passed over stuff then paused ominously. He wasn't sure he could keep it together here. If an alarm sounded he might have to make one of those strategic withdrawals through sheer instinct. That wouldn't go down well. Especially not with Doxy. One thing Jake was sure of here was that he would not be running away with style. Now it was their turn. He hoped that moisture pooling in his underwear was sweat. Because judging by the rumbling in his bowels it could get a lot worse than urine in a crisis. The two mechs let the vehicle in front through. They jerked forward.
"Good afternoon Captain. What is the purpose of your visit to Harrowmist?" The chief guard asked, officiously.
Scarlet became coy and flirtatious. Running a finger down an arm. The guard ignored it.
"Mostly pleasure. A bit of pleasurable business. And a piece of business in which I'll take great pleasure. Are you doing anything this evening? I'm free. It's been a long time since I was last been in port. If you get my meaning."
The security scanners which had been playing across them all congregated on Jake. He gave a very creaky smile. One of the other troopers immediately brought over the tentacled device. It's lights began flashing and those long thin probes writhed nearer. The chief stared at him from beneath his helmet. Eyes narrowing as he glanced at a screen on his left wrist.
"Who's the new guy?" He demanded.
"Oh him? Nobody important. A piece of flotsam we picked up on our way to Harrowmist. I don't really know him that well. Is he a dangerous felon? Are we at risk?"
That was something Jake would like words with Doxy about later on. The casual way she hung him out to dry. Like a wrung out pair of worn out underpants.
"I'm getting some really weird readings here chief." The man with the probe announced.
The commander stepped around the vehicle. Examined the readout carefully.
"I do hope I haven't inadvertently harbored a viper in my bosom. You still haven't said if you're free tonight. I do hate being lonely. In that big bed."
Holy shit. here he was in danger of being probed senseless and she was still seducing the soldier.
"I'll be busy all night I'm afraid Captain. Harrowmist is still on alert. There were several disturbances when the shields went up. Vital infrastructure was superficially damaged. We'll be on code red until we're sure all the culprits have been apprehended."
"Oh gosh.. You don't think he might be one of these terrorists do you?"
"No. It's alright corporal. This man doesn't have any body modifications or internal tech on him. That's why the readings look odd. It also rules him out as being one of the subversives I'd say. They had some really funny stuff inside them. Well what was left of them did anyway." He now turned to Doxy. "Unfortunately I can't take you up on your invitation. Another time perhaps."
"Oh I do hope so Commander. I've got a disturbance I'm sure you could quell."
They were waved on through. The disgusting car lurching along while Jake fumed. His fear had been forgotten. It was buried beneath to much outrage to stand a chance. There were so many things he wanted to say it was impossible to choose one. There was a danger that if he didn't let something out there'd be a riot.
"What the fuck were you doing back there?" Pengelly and Fetu were laughing.
"Oh that? I was just adding color and texture. Putting the guards at their ease. In this case we got quite a bit of information. Information we might not otherwise have been privy to. We know that there were several coordinated attacks from both outside and inside the city. My one regret is that he didn't take me up on my offer. Then I could have really pumped him. Found out precisely where they attacked. Knowing that might tell us more about what their ultimate objective was."
"Oh I bet you'd have pumped him. Pumped him dry I expect. Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do when you use expressions like that. That bit I understand. It annoys me, but I'll let it lie. It's you dangling me out there for them to snap up. That bloody corporal was dying to shove things into my holes. You could see it in his eyes. Oh he's a complete stranger to me officer. I know nothing about him.... I'm so bloody angry right now.."
She grabbed him by both cheeks and pulled him into a kiss. Not just any old kiss. One that had the impact of a sledge hammer. Boy her tongue was agile. It felt like she was checking out what he'd had for breakfast. Two days ago. His hands flapped helplessly then clutched his legs. Finally, after what seemed like either eternity or the blink of an eye, she let go. Rubbing his lips with her thumb.
"You're beautiful when your angry." Doxy stated. "Stop here Fetu. I've got some business to take great pleasure in." The Captain winked and then vaulted out of the car before it came to a halt.
Jake blinked. His mouth still ajar. His hands flapped again. His eyes stared into nothing. Something in that nothing caught his attention.
"Please tell me that's not The Bull's Penis... It's The Bull's Penis." Those twin swords were poking up above Doxy's shoulders as she strolled towards the tavern. The two men standing either side of the door must have recognized her. They stepped forward to block her path. "Oh no. Please don't. You really do not want to get in her way when she's in this mood." They went down in a flurry of kicks and punches. Then she kicked them both in their groins. Oh God she was on a rampage. Nobody dead yet. There was hope. A hope that vanished as soon as she kicked the door in. It hung precariously from one hinge as she stepped through fourmag in hand. "Should we... ummm..."
"I wouldn't advise it." Pengelly admonished. "If she needs any help she'll call. We'd just be getting in her way."
Loud booms and rapid fire intermingled. There were a lot of cries and screams. Some of them cutting off rather abruptly. Something smashed through a window and rolled in the street.
"Is that.. It's a head. She'd just decapitated somebody." Jake quailed. "She's just gone into a tavern and cut someone's head off.
"Looks like Frog Face to me." Fetu declared. "He was a lot taller last time I saw him, and he's lost weight."
"Just shows ya." Pengelly declared. "You don't wanna mess with the Captain of The Harlot."
"Is this legal?" Jake croaked, in between the shots and howls.
"I wouldn't have thought so." Pengelly replied. "We'll worry about that later."
"I knew she was feeling out of sorts." Fetu added. "I said to myself something's not quite right with the Captain."
"Not quite right? Not quite right? She's gone fucking psychotic." He squeaked.
"I wouldn't say that." Pengelly corrected. "She's just letting off some steam."
"Oh that's fine then. It's high spirits. I don't know why I'm surprised. Right I'm just going to go with the flow then. Do you think she'll be long." It was much better when he simply accepted it.
He sought out his happy place. Although in his case that would be more accurately described as his I don't give shit anymore place. He'd taken a few lives himself in the heat of battle. These people wouldn't be dead, dead. They could be brought back to life in days. Although there was a waiting list he recalled. They'd be up and about in no time. Most of them wouldn't even remember being killed. Where was the harm? Well it was just exiting the tavern. A man flying through the door and landing on his head signaled Doxy had completed her business meeting. Jake sat calmly in his seat, doing some breathing exercises. The Captain spat out a mouth full of blood and rubbed a hand across her mouth. Then she trotted over, leaping into the seat beside him and slapping Fetu on the shoulder. He set off immediately.
"Have you got that out of your system now?" He ventured, speculatively and hopefully.
"Yes thanks."
"That situation escalated rather precipitously didn't it. Did you leave anybody alive in there."
"Most of them." She spat out more blood over the side of the vehicle. "I'm not a maniac. I'm complicated."
"You can say that again. How many did you kill? Assuming you kept count."
She considered that thoughtfully. Using her fingers to count off.
"Nine all told. Slimy, Frog Face, Mentiroso and Kencing were first. Then the four guys they were meeting with and their bodyguard. I think he was their bodyguard. That's why he put up such a fight I'd imagine. Pissed off that he might not get paid and he'd be out of a job.
"This is going to sound really naive. Why? They're dead now. You're not going to get much out of them in that condition."
"Because, like I said, I'm complicated. Plus with their accounts frozen they won't be able to pay to be revived. That means it'll be a minimum six months before they're reintroduced to the world of the living."
"But surely that means you won't be able to find out anything for at least six months."
"They were being used. Slimy, Frog Face, Mentiroso and Kencing were anyway. They haven't got the brains to come up with a scheme like that. My reasoning is that at least one of their backers will either be the brains behind it, or important enough to the grand design to revive as quickly as possible. All we have to do is wait. If one of them is brought back he's the one we need to concentrate on. He'll be the kingpin or the route to a higher level."
He sat there going over her reasoning.
"That's quite brilliant. Simple. Incredibly brutal, extremely imaginative and brilliantly conceived. You actually are awesome."
"Well I don't like to boast."
"Yes you do. We've been over this before."
"Oh yeah. We have, haven't we. Let's go find this nerd."
"Oh lord. He's got no idea of the shit storm heading his way."