The Two Most Important Rules of a Happy & Successful Life
(Adapted from "Zero to Oneness" - by Cindy Bowen)
Love yourself and love others. Sounds easy, right? But what does that really mean? How do we do that? How do we achieve that state of being? There are many layers to it.
LOVING YOURSELF means:
Choosing to be a victim or creator of your life
-You must CHOOSE to be a CREATOR of your life - rather than a VICTIM.
-It is time to decide what is most important to you. Love, hate, fear or doubt? Funny as it sounds, these are the choices you are making in every moment.
-Hate is based on what you feel has already happened to you.
-Fear is worrying about what might happen.
-Doubt is worrying about what might not. It is up to you to be in that state of love and choose it rather than be a victim of the other three.
Do you choose to be a victim? Or do you choose to be a creator/lover? It’s that simple - that you see every choice you make as those choices. You are either creating your life with confident love, or allowing others to create your reality for you because you may feel like a powerless victim.
Living in the “now” moment/the present.
-Be clear of anger, fear or doubt. When you recognize these 3 main feelings that are blocking you, you can be happy because now you know where you are stuck. Realize none of these are happening in the NOW.
-Know that the majority of what you think about is not actually happening now, so enjoy the present. If the present is an unhappy one, it can and will change. It is temporary and fleeting.
Know yourself.
-Take time to spend alone to really get to the core of what your heart's desire is and what your core values are, without pressure of time, money or influence of others. In result, you will attract things to you more effortlessly because you are focused on what you desire, your desired state of being, and being more authentically YOU.
-STAY AWAKE to your dream. Nothing like a cold slap in the face to remind you what your passion, desires and values are. When you fall off track, get too comfortable and stop growing, learning and living out your goals and passions, life will get your attention with a very big CONTRAST to your current distraction.
-Make a top 10 list of “desirable states of being” (flowing, abundant, happy, etc.) and stick to it.
Determination.
-Don't give up on yourself or your dreams. Determination is what will carry you through to the end.
-Rather than being in a state of hope, wishing or wanting - be determined.
-Rather than speak about what you wish, want and aspire to, speak from a place of “I am going to, I am doing, I am living this, I am being this, I choose, I love” etc.
Respect yourself.
-Ask for what you need and be vulnerable, humble and transparent enough to do so.
-Do not allow others to harm you repeatedly. Have clear boundaries, voice them and follow through on those promises to yourself to respect yourself.
-Make a list of how to respect yourself and make it so! Keep good friends that will support you in respecting yourself and your needs.
-Self-care of your body, health, mind and spirit is important for a happy life. Focus on taking good care of yourself. Eat healthy, get outside and enjoy the fresh air, exercise, get plenty of sleep and go easy on yourself when things don't go well.
Take nothing personally.
-Realizing what others say to you or about you speaks volumes about them and how happy or unhappy they are. If someone speaks bad about you or someone else, it's because they feel powerless or are unable to resolve or confront the issue at hand.
-If you already have taken something personally, forgive them. Rather, forgiveness is even a judgment that they intentionally wronged you. So just chalk it up to their suffering that they could not fix, that they wanted to give away or needed help with and it was nothing personal about you.
-LET IT GO! Don't wait for an apology, because you will be the only one who suffers while you wait for it.
Find support and comfort in what is CONSTANT and not FLEETING.
Here are some things that are “constants” in life:
-Nature – A walk in the woods or laying on the grass can change any mood. Did you know the health benefits of walking barefoot on the grass.. called Earthing?
-Negative Ions- Are you aware that the negative ions found near a stream or mountaintop, magnetic field of the earth and the infrared ray of the sun were all put there to keep you happy, pain and stress-free? When was the last time you laid on the grass or walked barefoot outside? Try it!! It works well on headaches!
-God– The one you can always count on to ask for help, forgiveness, strength and more! Or if you think you are God or there is no God than you can count on that too.
-Connection– Connect with people, animals, children, birds, trees, communities, groups, teams, families like yours, friends far and near, and strangers. Just notice them, feel their inner happiness (no matter how small), their smile and just connect without words, or connect with a kind gesture.
-Love- found in the observation and appreciation of examples of the love you connect with, that inspires you, like sweet couples, tropical breezes on your skin, warm sun, flowers, a kind word, or performing kindness to someone else. Don't wait for it! BE IT! GROW IT!
Being consistent
-Being consistent with your choices that align with your goals
-This not only means setting your values standard, sticking to it, saying no to old patterns, but it takes a little extra effort on your part. This could mean a daily ritual/routine to line up with, invite, accept, feel and embody the greater parts of you that you know you are. (Rather than waking with stress and talking of your strife.)
-To say further, DREAM A BETTER DREAM! If you don't like your experience or how you feel, then change it. There is always going to be bad and good to focus on. You get to choose which one you want to spend the most time thinking about and feeling.
Saying yes and get excited about what shows up, even credit card bills.
-Instead of exhibiting dread and lack when the bills arrive say, "Yes the bills are here! This must mean I am so abundant that I can pay them all." Even if you can't in that moment, shifting your attitude and energy about it will cause things to change around you. Everything is vibration.
-Instead of focusing on how single you are, instead notice and get excited about the couples you see around you. Say, "Yes, I welcome a love like that. Yes I accept that kind of love into my life now."
-Most of all STOP finding evidence as to why there is lack of love and abundance in your life!
Feelings are powerful, use them to your advantage.
Feel, feel, feel and vibes of passion and success will wash over you.
LOVING OTHERS means:
Having compassion for their journey.
-Love their humanness. We all have hurts, challenges and curve balls thrown at us. We are doing our best to figure out this world. We've all done our best and our worst. This life does not come with an instruction manual. Appreciating their human journey allows you to step back and see the bigger picture and have compassion for them and how they act out of fear and survival mode.
-Know that others treat you as someone has treated them before. It is learned and repeated. They will test you to be a part of their lesson and play. It is up to you if you want to play the other half of that role or not. Or you can choose to be a witness in the audience as they act out their healing process from their own pain. Have compassion for their suffering and their self-limiting beliefs, and open a space for love for them to step into with you. Or step away and realize that they are showing you they are not ready to be rational, as YOU once were.
Not judging them.
-Who are we to know what is bad or good? Even in our own experience? Some of our worst of times, where we appeared helpless, and weak to others, was exactly what we need to go through to become who we are. We are all experiencing and expressing life in a very different way, to one path - Love.
-Give a little more love to those who may need a kind word or an open, non-judgmental friend to talk to. Judgment creates separateness, hatred and war. Small feelings can grow big; use the good ones and eliminate pollution in our universal mental pool.
Having gratitude for their role in your life.
-Often others are a hard reflection or teacher in our lives. Each one is a mirror for us to see where our weaknesses and self doubt are, and an opportunity to choose, to be bold and vulnerable enough to love ourselves, respect ourselves and take nothing personally.
-They represent a hard mirror for us to change what we see in that reflection. With this mirror, we can choose to just love ourselves and not be convinced by the ugly image they project onto that mirror. They test our level of reaction and attachment to things outside of ourselves.
-The less we react, the more enlightened and happy we become. We are like an open window, where things can pass through, but not stick. We are empty and free of attachments to outcomes, opinions and other fleeting experiences. We are free to be compassionate and unaffected by the outside world. We are empowered with love for ourselves and for others within.
-Do no harm with your opinions or actions. It will only come back to you and hurt you in another way.
Empowering them, not enabling or being a crutch. (Being of service without being a martyr.)
-Knowing how to set healthy boundaries is an important part of having healthy relationships.
-When you are there to empower someone, you give them their power back. You do not carry the weight of their dependency on happiness and success. You offer tools, you give them ideas and share wisdom when asked.
-But offering all this without them asking for your help will fall on deaf ears and be highly ineffective and under-appreciated.
-Be of service to them, without sacrificing yourself or your happiness. Now if you are like someone like Gandhi, you will enjoy serving others and sacrificing everything in order to serve them. Or if someone is sick and unable to take care of themselves, that is a different story. As long as you are not expecting anything in return from them, and it is true selfless service.
So now you have some tools to use to get through this wildly spinning rock with love, life and relationships. And by all means, if you have more tips for fellow Steemians, please add below!