Wait. Don't be alarmed. There is no need for that.
30 Years thinking about killing myself gave me enough tools to never pull the trigger (no pun intended).
Depression is not very often connected to the male gender and that is such a wrong presumption.
Because the way society is structured. Maybe that's why men are afraid to come out with their depression stories and to empower other men to get out of the cycle.
And maybe that's why the numbers of men that commit suicide because of depression it is so alarming and scary.
If You are in the UK and You need to talk. All You have to do is a quick Google research and You will find immediately a lot of options.
Institutions like:
CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably
Go there now if You feel that You can't deal with it by Yourself and You don't know how to deal with Your feelings and thoughts.