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Tomi turned away from her Pastor with a sad look. She just could not fathom what he had just said to her. How could he just tell her to forgive and forget? After all her husband had done to her?
Here she was, feeling annoyed, frustrated and hurt, and all Pastor Femi could say was, Forgive, that is God’s will for you.
Just like Tomi, so many people have issues with forgiving people. I guess this is probably because they have not really understood the steps towards forgiveness.
Let’s take a look at what the Bible says about forgiveness
In Luke 17: 3-5 (amp) the Bible says;
Pay attention and always be on guard [looking out for one another]! If your brother sins and disregards God’s precepts, solemnly warn him; and if he repents and changes, forgive him.
Even if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him [that is, give up resentment and consider the offense recalled and annulled].”
The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith [our ability to confidently trust in God and in His power].”
The first step towards forgiveness is…solemnly warn him. This means, when someone offends you, you have to make it known that you have been offended. The Bible did not say tell that person’s friend, brother or pastor, the Bible specifically says…solemnly warn him.
This means, when someone offends you, you have to walk up to the person and say, you just offended me.
Do not start talking to people about it. It should be done directly to the person. It also has to be done privately and without being all self-righteous about it.
The next step is …if he repents. Jesus Christ tells us here that ‘if’ a person repents. This means, when a person offends you, he or she has to come apologizing. After the apologies, comes the forgiving.
‘If’ is conditional, it means if the offender comes up to me or owns up to his or her wrong, then I forgive.
The next verse focuses on the fact that, if the person sins against you continuously and comes asking for mercy, you forgive.
With all these in mind, where then does forgive and forget come in?
Humans are not robots where memories can just automatically be wiped off.
You just cannot at someone’s command, forgive and then forget an offence that has been committed.
Even God doesn’t forgive and forget, if He does, how come He is all-knowing?
Forgetting here, stands for not holding any other grievance against the offender. As long as the person has repented of a particular wrong, you have to wipe away all grievances held and totally forgive genuinely.
In conclusion, forgiveness cannot take place when a person doesn’t come asking. Even the Bible say if and only if we confess our sins, is God faithful and just to forgive our offences.