This is the continuation of my first post as I shared my sad story that I kept on myself.
It is about love that trapped me into a cage of guilt and deep sadness for how many years.
Now I want to free myself from hatred and grudges to the person who caused pain to me.
But how could I do it?
How can I surpass this challenges?
What is the possible way I could recover from pain easily?
What should I do if I'm afraid to face that person?
Is there a medicine that I can take away this pain?
These are my doubts and questions that made my confusions. Though I'm seeking for answers in order for me to move on with my life. Still I have this feeling of fear to what know what are the reasons.
I asked myself these what if's
what if I have lapses?
what if I am the reason why we end up our relationship?
what if I did something wrong?
what if my love is not enough?
These what if's could be a possible reason, but I think these reasons are not enough that our relationship will end up this way. I know in my self that I did by best effort to make our relationship works for 12 years.
Money is the root of evil
Money is the source why some people doing evil deed because of money.
They can kill people just to have a bundle of it or they can sacrifice the lives of their family. For the money who doesn't worth to compare it to the people you love.
But what about the love that is choose after Money
It is considered evil deeds? is it fair to neglect love because of money?
What if I don't have the ability to have millions of wealth?
What if I cant afford to buy a car?
What if I'm just an ordinary man who live simply?
These question are temporary and I don't have a plan to stay for that life forever. I have bigger dreams and ambition in life too.
But why she can't wait that day that we are working it together to achieve our dreams?
So sad that I have corresponding value to someone's heart.. someone's life that I value her more than my life.
She is my everything and source of my strength!
Why that strength caused me to become weak and gives me reason to give up for searching my new love.
My mind tells me what to do? and it should dominate my heart.
But why my heart is stronger than what is telling by my mind. The pain and the emotions forcing my body not to follow what my mind is saying.
I'm so confused and my brain is about to explode due to over flowing questions that still seeking for answers.
I tried everything to forget the pain and exposing my self to possible new relationship.
Still I have that fear and going back to the what if's over and over again.
I don't believe already to what they call forever and only death will depart the hearts of two people loving each other.
You can say I am kill joy, but if you experience what I've been through for how many years.
You will search the key that will set you free from the cage of UNFAIR AND CRUELTY OF THE WORLD'S REALITY.
You can judge me whatever you want but you can't tell me what should I feel and what should I do with my life
The purpose of this post is to release my emotions and not indented to compare my experiences to anyone.
I know it is one way to express my feelings that will help me to recover from my pain.
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