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Owk so today I decided to do a little thing on love, relationships and marriage. Well, this happens whenever I am having a boring day and my mind decides to wonder off a bit, to little things that matter the most which we often tend to ignore most times.
There is this marriage expert I got to learn of just recently called Gottman, and I was told that he could sit for just about 20 minutes with a newly married couple and tell with high precision whether the relationship or marriage would last or not. Now this guy is no magician, a fortune teller or a soothsayer, he uses the simple principle of wisdom and insight to tell.
When asked what this secrete was, he said that a successful relationship or marriage isn’t measured by the amount of candle light dinners the couple have had, how long they walk together in the beach, their trips to different parts of the world or even in getting your partner a gift every single day that passes.
According to Gottman, the most important factor for a successful relationship or marriage is ATTENTION.
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Yes ATTENTION you surprised? Well I was too.
When I think about this, I remember my mum and when she told me that it is the very little things that we often neglect in life that matters the most. When I look at the way my parents lived, and how happy they were together, I begin to realise how much they have tried to teach me the power of attention by the way they lived together. Back then, I never thought that those little things did really matter. I saw them as a waste of time and energy.
Those nights when my dad would come back from a hectic day at work and ask mum to dish dinner for us while they get dressed and both went out only to come back late in the night with goodies for us. Why would anyone come back late at night and still decide to go out? What was so important in that night that they couldn’t keep till weekend. I never knew or understood what he was doing or trying to achieve but whatever it was back then was gradually paying off. What did I know? I was just a kid and too little to understand the big things in small packages.
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I remember those nights when my dad would put us to bed very early so they both could have a good time together under the moon light. But why wouldn’t they save themselves the insect bites and just come into their room? Why must they stay outside late in the night gazing at the stars? What was so special in that? Well, what did I know? I was just a kid and too little to understand the big things in small packages.
Those weekends when they would send us off to go see our friends while they stay indoor together doing God knows what. I never knew that all those while, they were trying to build the bond which made them last longer than many marriages today. Well, what did I know? I was just a kid and too little to understand the big things in small packages.
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When I look at most failed marriages, it becomes too obvious to realise that it was those little things that were non-existent. They neglected the most important spice of the relationship and focused their time and energy on doing those things that seemed to matter but literally had no positive effect.
Taking your wife or girlfriend on a treat to the most expensive restaurant or getting her a lavish gift may seem like a really big deal. The excitement might last for a short while but fades away with time. But the consistent little things like the simple ATTENTION given to your loves one when he or she needs it would go a long way in making you both have the best relationships and marriages if our lives.
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If you are reading this now, I know you are deep in thought because it has become too common these days that we all take each other for granted. We really do not know what we have until it is gone. We tend to lose touch with those we love and lose pebbles while chasing stones.
Gottman said that it’s all about the small stuff. It’s all about looking at you partners face in the morning and telling them they look so beautiful just waking up. It’s all about those little compliments you dish out just when they have finished dressing up to impress. You think that doesn’t matter? Well, that goes a very long way. It’s all about those random text messages you send to them telling them you miss them while you’re at work to make them realise you think about them even in your busiest times. It’s all about the tone of your voice when they call you during the day. Does your voice lighten up in excitement at their calls or do you just sound like you have more important things to do? It’s about holding their hands when they are scared, even when you are as well, and giving them the assurance that you are with them and wouldn’t leave their side no matter what. It’s about putting a pause on your favourite show just to listen to the story of how their day went even though it might seem so boring. It’s about that early morning gentle kiss on the forehead. It’s about complementing a new hairstyle. It’s about that eye contact on the breakfast table. It’s about…Gosh! The list is inexhaustive and if I continue, I might just get to write a few thousand pages.
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All these things might seem so damn small but trust me, they mean more than you can imagine. They make that person feel a sense of love and affection. They make the person realise how important he or she is. These so called little things have a way of quenching anger in the heat of an argument. They know how to breed forgiveness in the minds of your loved ones when you must have knowingly or unknowingly hurt them.
These are the little things that make you live in harmony and happy with your partner for a very long time.