So you have a big audition coming up? And you'll never be as good as me?

No problem, no sweat. Maybe you will learn something from this wall of text masterclass...

Today I had to do a 3 minute piece on climate change for the big role in the big production.

This is how I dressed.

When performing always play to your strengths unless you are playing to your weaknesses. My greatest strength in life is laziness. So how does a lazy guy create a 3 minute masterpiece?

I only performed my masterpiece once today without any rehearsing because I am that advanced. But remember; "fail to prepare, prepare to fail". I was prepared with as little preparation as possible. To stick to the 3 minutes I held the phone in my hand with a stop clock running (pretending it is there as part of the costume).

My piece was as follows. I wore a monkey mask, took it off, beneath it was an ape mask, I took it off, beneath that was a Harry Potter mask, and I took that off, and finally there I was.
I introduced myself as a human. The monkey hanging around my neck with headphones on was metaphorical for something. Weights around my wrists stood for something maybe about society holding me down or restraining me from taking real action. It was all very metaphorical with animals and technology, but don't ask me, I just grabbed props and tried to be as naked as reasonably possible and went with it. I pretended to stop every so often in my rambling of climate change to send a text or instagram something, while actually checking the time. A lazy technique is to have a beginning, middle, and end. The first minute was about introduction & pretending to tackle climate change, the second minute enjoying the pats on my back from the fake work of solving climate change, and the third minute was a "Damn you maniacs, you blew it up" planet of the Apes revelation thingy.

It was a very enjoyable audition with zero stress or nerves. The good thing about lazy performance techniques is you cannot be nervous about getting it wrong when there is no right ^_

In regards to the interview process, one of my secrets is to pretend that the interviewers are nervous to be interviewing me, and so I behave in a way like I am trying to support them on their big day of looking for people for their project. The real secret though is to chill out and just have a good time. If you are the worst person in the world but you look like you are having the best time ever people will love you. "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone".

I'll know next week whether I got the big role or not. I'm confident I will, but if I don't it will make this post very embarrassing.

Thanks for reading, and keep on rocking and doing what you do and break everything!

@RiskDebonair
Irish Writer, Poet, & Lover