I've not done a proper freewrite in a while. You know, the real thing; just me and the paper (computer screen). Btw, I realized a nice trick that gets some of you're distractions away to help writing: press F11 on you're keyboard. Much nicer isn't it?
The headline relates to a notion I have: I've realized that I haven't given myself enough time to listen myself, to listen my mind and what thoughts arise from there, because the world gives so much stimuli that it's so easy to forget that you're own mind might actually have a lot to say, but it just never can get it's message delivered, because what your unconscious mind is processing, is much harder to listen – it is called "unconscious" after all – because all the loud noises from the external easily bury the subtlety.
I've given myself room to perceive what is it that whirls inside my mind, learning to find a little hatch from here and there to peek inside, and I realize there are a lot of things. And the best part is, it isn't a struggle when it isn't to be made such. I think every writer wishes that an epic appeared to the paper, but for myself, unfortunately I rarely come up with such. Therefore I decide to let go of the need to have something good to put on the paper, because otherwise, I suffer.
What is ironic, is that at school I disliked writing; I experienced the worst writer's block and I just plain hated it when a story or essay was supposed to be written. It took me until after the end of high school that I finally discovered... you can actually enjoy writing, immerse yourself into the process of it. This happened when I finally had the space, the space of getting curious by my own will without the stupid worries school gave me over things that don't even matter couple years later. Luckily there were some creative subjects that I finally got to discover bit more during the last year of high school when there was a lot of freedom with the curriculum. Looking back at it, I preferred even physical education over many book subjects, because in many cases it also fell under the category of creativity; a creative usage of the body.
I remember some post that @honeydue wrote where she described her experience of a bus ride where everyone was glued to their screens. I strongly resonated with it, because what such behavior does, is that it removes subtlety from our lives; having that off-chance connection created by two pairs of eyes meeting for a blink of an eye, to smile at the baby in the carriage because her mom thinks it's more important to chat with someone else than engage with her child, or just looking a tired worker and wishing them a better future.
I think it's a shame, because it is taking us further apart, disconnecting us in an already reserved culture (in Finland that is). I mean, one day I saw four students standing out, each one of them looking at their phones and having a commentary of what's going on in there rather than... something; How this teacher x is an asshole. How their dreading their tests or laughing at that dude who first time tried snus during a class. No. Just looking, most likely their Instagram feed. Flick, like, flick, like, flick, flick. Funny cat videos, memes and people who are good to put up an act of having a good life.
"When you start living in the moment, good things will come to your life."
-Motivationmonday
"Omg, so true 😍"
-Basic Instragram Bitch
presses the like button
shares on Fakebook
I think it's amazing how raw I can be here that sometimes I forget how the world works in other social medias, for the most part. Exceptions exist for sure, but the general culture... you know what it is.
I mean, here when I talk about having an identity crisis, I completely unexpectedly get a lot of engagement. And I think that's pretty awesome, because it shows people are actually interested of me to the core, not just what I'm up to. It's quite flattering, but I think everyone should have those people in their lives, but what people do on social media, trying to climb up some kind of social hierarchy, is just taking them further from that experience. Yet people keep doing it, maybe because they didn't give enough thought to figure what is it that's important, maybe it's because they learned to not be inside their heads.
