This is probably the hardest post to write so far... for so many reasons, but probably more than anything...
because I don't want, to tell the truth... not so much telling you the truth, but acknowledging the truth myself.
I don't want to face it.
Not at all.
I even contemplated posting a lie.
Now, is it that big of a deal? No, I didn't do anything to anyone else to hurt them. I did not follow through with my commitment to follow Ty in the trade room the best I could....
What happened?
Well it all started when I was a kid...
wait what?!
Oh, sorry, that is another story. Probably one that I should share with a therapist. lol!
But I digress, only because I really don't want to deal with this.
So as I am procrastinating, it dawns on me that I probably had what I will call a loss hang over from yesterday. I was looking forward to today and more importantly, I was looking forward to a big profitable day today! Not a good way to go into the trading session.
So I take the 1st trade of the day that Ty calls out and for a half an hour it sputters between +2 or 3 ticks positive to -6 or 7 ticks negative (as I remember it). After awhile Ty recognizes what he calls an Iceberg order, and says he is going to try to get out at break even or as close to that as possible. I missed getting out when Ty did and then, of course, the price immediately went up to stop me out... bang, I am -$300 (3 contracts at 10 ticks) and Ty is minus commissions only...
NOW I NEED TO MAKE THAT UP
(Script says play ominous music while reading the above comment.)
So lie number 1: I didn't miss getting out, I thought what if this is a profitable trade and I miss it. But since it stopped me out moments after Ty got out, I told myself I missed it and would try to get out when it got back the break even....
Lie number 2: I was debating whether to get out when it came back down because the price was moving against me and I wanted to justify why I didn't get out... even if it was for a couple of ticks in a worst case scenario.
See where this is going? Yep, probably way before I did.
Ty's second trade, I take the 10 tick 1st target and put it at +20 so I can make up and profit a little from the losing trade... then I don't have to tell you what I did... winner winner chicken dinner! so the trade goes 11 ticks and stops us all out at BE +1. Ty has two contract winner, I don't.
NOW I NEED TO MAKE THE LOSS UP AND THE PROFIT UP.
(Script says play ominous music while reading the above comment.)
No pressure!
So that is my mindset... and I look at my account and see that I am not $300 plus commissions down I am around $200 down because I forgot that I moved my stop down (with Ty) on the 1st trade! Too late, my "mind is set"...
Long story short... had some good trades, but because I was swinging for the fences I missed out on some easy 10 tick targets and took Breakevens and that didn't make up for my losses...
So down $390 for the day, when Ty ended up $95, huge? nope... but a helava lot better than down almost $400 and feeling like crap for not following the plan/commitment.
OK, I can feel bad for myself... and I do... but I am happy that I am not lying to myself (and you) and looking at what happened...
The commitment was and is to follow ty as closley as possible when he gets out, I get out.
If I make a mistake and don't get out as quick as he does... I don't need to make the money up -
It's a cost of doing business
It's slippage
It doesn't matter
So another lie I have been telling myself is on the trailers... I keep my running target out about 50 ticks.
Nothing wrong with that, but when Ty has a target -
if I am truely to mirror him for 90 days, then I need to put the target where Ty does...
no trying to get more. Atleast until I do my 90 days!
So a question for those that got this far...
Do I start Day 1 of 90 on Monday, or do I continue with Day 8 on Monday? Why?
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