One of my favorite books, is a short, pithy read is called “Lying” by Sam Harris. Disclaimer: I don’t agree with everything Harris says but his ability to deconstruct certain philosophical concepts is very illuminating, particularly the subject of dishonesty. Without entertaining the thought experiment of lying when the gestapo knocks at your door and someone’s life is in danger, let’s explore the some of the underpinnings and consequences of lying then get into a solution.
I have identified two types of lying. Lying based on self deception or delusion and lying based on dishonesty. Lying based on dishonesty is what I will be covering in this essay. Lying based on dishonesty brings on a whole host of problems and while some people think that the lying is justified do to some problem they think has no solution the consequence of the lies when they have to finally tell the truth is usually much worse. How someone responds to the effects of life situations has everything to do with how their character has developed. If it has developed in a way that lying is an option or coping mechanism there is much work to be done.
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Lying Ultimately Hurts the People Involved
Sometimes people lie because they say they don’t want to hurt someone. Or they lie because they want something from someone and don’t believe they can get it from being authentic. I’ve heard this before in various forms and while the person really believes it creating this false version of reality they are offering a false version of themselves. This needs to be propped up and continuously created since it isn’t true. That is creating a life of torment. The energy is takes to keep a lie going is energy that is being wasted on coming up with solutions that are based on reality. Life is not always easy and sometimes the decisions we need to make are difficult and a lot of work and possibly bring up fear. However, in facing our fears head on we create our good character. In not facing our problems honestly we create our character in a negative fashion. So in essence lying damages your development and ability to mature and self-actualize. Lying stunts your growth. This takes time to undue so it prudent to become honest as soon as possible because the longer it is put off the longer it takes to clean up the mess that is made.
Losing relationships is a risk that we take in our honesty. Losing things is a risk we take. But there is always a solution and while the solutions available to us may sometimes make us uncomfortable that is how we grow and develop good character. That is the only way we will mature.
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Hierarchy of Values
There is an exercise that can help people live more authentically and honestly that I learned. It is called Hierarchy of Values and how it works is to write down a list of the things that are important to you. I myself have a fairly long list of things that I value. Then take the five top things from that list that are most important. For example things on my list would include, in no particular order:
- Health
- Exercise
- Personal Growth
- Honesty
- Artistic expression
- Mental Health
- Autonomy
- Solitude
This may be close to a typical list, more or less, and as you can see lying is not on the list. But, if you are lying, then it is something that you value. You value it more than honesty, plain and simple. This next part is something I came up with to help people understand what they value when they are doing something they know is wrong or they are getting negative results and not understanding why. So, another way to really understand yourself is to look at the things you actually do on a regular basis. Look at what you do in a typical week and you will see what the things are that you value other than what you tell yourself you value. This is a powerful step in breaking out of self-deception.
I became interested in this topic when I saw how much lying goes on in our society and in people that I sometimes would come in contact with to understand the logic of why someone thinks lying is a good way to solve problems or get what they want because I have never understood it as an adult. Sadly, it boils down to a lack of maturity and character development. The good news is it is possible to change, make tough decisions and grow. And the most important thing of all…self-love.
What do you think?
@soulsistashakti is a musical artist and writer based in NYC. You can check out my music on my FB artist page at https://www.facebook.com/soulsistashakti
First Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash