This isn’t the first time the UK has been hooked on mother’s ruin, but the last time we were all lashed off our tits on it, it was safer than water and cheaper than air.
So step aside craft ale cunts, gin is in now, apparently.
The more expensive and the deeper shade of pink, the better.
“Oh you like gin now don’t you, fancy a Gordon’s and tonic?”
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous you scummy cunt, I want that 7 quid a shot purple stuff in a wankers cocktail with a dried slice of orange. I’m posh now.”
Gin is rank, admit it. Be original and choose a drink you actually like instead of looking at the price tag.
No one is impressed with you over spending on something that tastes like a lime had a shit, even if you post pictures of the bottle on your fucking Instagram page.
It’s liquid flossing for brainless adult cunts, that’s right, everyone thinks you’re a knob, just like they did when you went through your Grey Goose phase four years ago.
yours fuckfully
Malcolm Tucker