Well it is today. My bags are packed and every sign that I lived here has been wiped off. Once I bathe now, nothing of me will be left here to tell anyone that I used to stride these floors. Maybe an echo of my singing will still be stained to the walls and sometime in the future someone will think they hear me singing but no it won't be me.
Last night I did what I have become very skilled at doing, I walked away from a friend, giving the impression that we would never see again. She felt bad and I felt bad but at that moment I thought it was for the best. She is a beautiful soul, I will only break her heart for there's no beauty here inside me.
After I told her that I would not return to Abuja to stay, she was silent on the phone for several seconds. Those seconds will be the longest seconds of my life for a long time. I will replay and repeat it and wonder if I had done the right thing. Maybe I could have stayed back and see if I would do better this time, give all of myself to a wonderful woman and maybe find some sort of future with her?
Well this will be another in the long list of sad, sad memories that fill my nights. I think I collect sadness like people collect antique, rare items and stuff. I have a place in my head stuffed full with sad memories, a place where I go to sit and stare at my stupidity, my inner turmoils and mostly my pain.
She will do fine. She will move on to better things, they always do. Soon I will be a flitting scent, an echoing song, a slight tug of memory that would make her smile when she sees a stranger sitting like I do, or smiling like I do, as she makes her dance through life.
I would love to see the future as so because I have seen it happen several times before.
Oh well, I am going home and I hate myself right now. By 6am, I will be at the motor park. I wanted to book for my trip yesterday but the first bus was all booked. I was told to come and pay for the ticket today. It's going to be one rowdy business.
I miss her already. She was one of the beautiful times in Abuja. A true friend indeed. Who knows what we would have become? Who knows what our lives would have become? Maybe fallen in love, gotten married, have kids. Lol, I am just kidding. She would not want that. How do I even know that she would not want that? I just love to spoil a good thing, don't I.
The power has been restored. I can charge my phone and laptop, so I can maybe make a post later today if I am in the mood. I didn't write yesterday, everything felt off.
Well I'd probably be in Benin City by 3pm today. My buttocks is going to melt like butter in that bus. At least my feet will be saved. I am wearing rubber slippers on this journey. Benin is not a fun place during the rainy season.
These are random thoughts that I am just filtering out of my skull
My face, falling to the dust,
Like rain feeding the soil,
Kissing muttering rivers
Turgid with need,
Rushing to a place of rest.
Before my eyes like old movie scenes
That flicker; black and white
With no audio
Yet I know every line in the dialogue,
Word for word.
A tiredness, a kind of goodbye,
A wish to wind the hands of time
And relive some few moments in a loop;
Those ones that made you laugh,
When the world seemed brighter,
Where you could almost scent
The perfume of love's eager flame.
And memories are wreathes
On the grave of yesterday.
Life rolls on; languid, listless, bored.
It is done and I have lost again.
Good morning.
©warpedpoetic, 2018.