Punkin bread and pies š
Yesterday was a great day. It was also very hard. Emotional for me. I donāt do emotions well. So i am one of these people who holds it inside. The reasoning in this is that I feel deeply. I eighter like it, donāt like it or it has no meaning to me. 3 things thatās it.
I am so greatful for all of my life. What I have. Who I know. Sure there are things I could have done differently. Done a better job at. But basically I am very happy and content. Greatful with no regrets.
So when on 10/02/18 I was informed that I had an advanced stage of an incurable cancer with weeks to live reality sets in. You question your life. Thinks you have done. Things you havenāt done, so called bucket list. What happens to the people you leave behind. With many many more things. All around the holidays to. What timing.
I guess it all boils down to who one is. What they stand for. Not the material things like money, wealth. Itās not the big things people do, itās the little things. Like helping a little old lady šµ put her groceries in her car because her husband pasted and now she doing it herself. A small thing that means so much.
Trivia by wolfhart
If you take care of the small things the big things will take care of themself
I am good with who I am. Thereās is no one I have to make amends too. Sure I wish I could do more. Give more but I just donāt have it to give. I wish I could have gone to steemfest. I wanted to go. But there are other things the have priority. It would have been nice to see face to face with the people here. Next one is my plan.
One thing for sure is that I have a lot of time on my hands. Canāt do much but š¤ think. And not to coherent at that.
Donāt think this is a pleasent road. It hurts. Physical and mentally. Physically I like to get out of this body. It hurts. Canāt sleep, eat, walk or anything. I š hurt. So what you do is put your big boy š pants on. And be a man.
Yea I broke down yesterday it was a hard day. A great day. A day that I gave thanks š. A day of life.
I am glad many share this day. Not the holiday but the theme of it.
Well I said that I would give you some tests results. I could not get the cat scan loaded but here is one of the blood tests.
Blood tests September
Bilirubin indicates cancer and mine is 2.4 which is very high
The other two highlighted tests is a liver indicating function. Liver stopped working
I will get more tests as I can for two reasons
Record and explanation
Trust
Trust is very important. More so on social media. To many times truths are stretched for personnel gain. Or made up.most people are happy to help and give here and are taken advantage of with their giving sprite. This is important to me. And it needs to be my story no matter how it turns out. So no bull shit.
So look at the tests ask people you know and tell me I have a good shot at a long life. š¤£
I will post my new result when I get it on Tuesday . Current blood test
I have been writing this post for the past 3 hours. I did doze off once or twice I donāt remember.
Well I have to call this and just sit. The chemo week is tough and I understand why people donāt do it or go to alt meds.
Did I tell you that they are setting me up with terminal illness patients care. They sure do like telling you that you are terminally ill all the time. I do not consider myself terminally ill. Maybe I just donāt want to hear it all the time. After all I am here.
Ok I have to stop for a while rambling here.
Wolfhart