While watching Pocahontas it came to me. That what makes it worthwhile with our without even having to ask more questions.
In the second week of 2020 my boyfriend's father died. He had reached the respectable age of 86 and had a full live and his children all came to hiss house the very same day.
He had 6 children.
3 from his first wife, 2 from his second wife and the last son from his 3 and last wife.
He lived a life full of adventure and saw depths and highs all over the world. Was with the police but also with the marine and thereby saw a lot of the world and also a lot of the dark cruel side of the world. He had to help clean up dead bodies in war area and witnessed radiological experiments.
He became a stubborn man and walked away from all the woman in his life that tried to change anything about him. He didn't accept any disobedience and he was scared by the things he had seen.
As he became older he became more soft and found some rest inside himself.
He stoud by hiss last woman untill his own last days.
When we visit he was the main person in the room and told all the story's he wanted to share from his full life and his adventures.
Whenever the government was related to a subject you could see and hear his bitter angryness. He got a way lower pension because he got married to a younger woman. Who does have a job but not one that pays to much and so after all those years of serving he still didn't have the rest not to worry or think about money. This things made him a angry man who spook with a bitter tone in his voice.
But also still sometimes a cheeky old man with sparkly blue eyes, for example when he met his grandchild, the daughter of my boyfriends sister. It made him shine so bright.
There has always be contact between my bf and his father but never very intense the reason for that is that my bf is very busy with work and his father will never call him, so it will always depend on my bf who was so busy he forget about eating most of the time so I have to remember him.
When his father got sick (he had been a heart patient sinds he was 70) he never called, although this happend a lot, it was never something his father or the new wife would inform us about.
The days before he died he was very sick, it became a change that he could die. But still nobody called
Untill he did.
All the kids gathered in his house and set up his funeral together with his widow.
The funeral was beautiful, still the two kids who did not get a call where frustrated about that.
They felt sad about the meaning of it all and there dad being the subborn to let them say goodbye.
Maybe he was afraid of being seen like that. He didn't want any pitty from anyone.
My bf missed the closure and it made him feel subborn and angry two.
While watching Pocahontas there is a scene where the dad of Poca tells her she looks like her mum and here spirit dances around here like the wind.
And that Poca will always have a part of this spirit with here and will pass some of this to her own children.
When I see my bf standing I recognize his father's nose and eyes, also his strong jaw and manly posture but most of all his stubborn and charming character, he will pass his father on, and also did his sister and his father while fighting memories with his grand child with his blue shiney eyes and big smile and there for every single little thing has been worth it cause every choice could have changed the story.
But it didn't it went exactly like this.
And that is the meaning of it all.
Flames to dust.