“Life’s a game, all you have to do is know how to play it” - Unknown.
I have often wondered, what is it that makes me who I am. Why do I feel so alone despite having a lot of friends and family who loves me. Is it my personality, or my character? Is it the way I dress, the look of “I don’t care what you think”?. My career choice? Or maybe it is the combination of all these things, because I don’t believe that there is one word or description suitable enough to define me completely.
I like to think that for the most part, I am an easy person to get along with. I am generally a positive person to be around and I try not to judge anyone for the choices that they make or the beliefs that they accede to. I just treat everyone with the same respect that I would like to be treated with. However, this does not mean that I am a pushover. I do not suffer fools gladly and if you try to take advantage of me you are very likely to see a completely different side of me! I think that this is something that is probably true of most people though, so maybe I am fairly typical in that respect. I have a very, very long patience and I always exert it. Some co-workers before blatantly asked my why I always wear jeans and shirt, why I love wearing cardigans when they are for old people as per him.
Thanks Google for the photo
I am a shy person and at times I feel incredibly awkward around people, especially those that I don’t know, heck even those that I have known for a long time now. I am the type of person who will hang back and observe strangers before making the decision about whether or not I want to join in with the group. It is because of this that I am often wrongly labelled as being weird, upstart, difficult or just plain snob. This could not be further from the truth. I love to be around people once I get to know them, it is just that I am painfully shy at the beginning. Sometimes I wish that I could make people understand this because I am sure that I have missed out on many potential friendships because of this shyness that seems to come across as my being a nasty type of person, but then again maybe only the people who have had patience are the type of friends that I should be pursuing.
This could be me at some point of the day and thanks again Google for the photo
Once I get to know you, then you will get to see the real me. Not the shy and wary exterior, but the real person inside. The person who can have razor sharp wit fuelled by sarcasm, but who is also incredibly warm and supportive of those I care about. The person inside loves to laugh and will tell you lots of stories about the crazy antics that my slightly dysfunctional family gets up to and the stupid clumsy things that I have done. My closest friends would describe me as funny, loyal and genuine, but it takes a lot for people to get to that point where I am willing to show that side of me.
They say that there are two sides to every coin and that sums me up pretty well. I might be outgoing and sociable, but I am also shy and awkward. I can be warm and loving, but I am also capable of cutting someone down with my sharp tongue. Everything about me happens in contrast and depends on who I am with and how comfortable I feel around them.
Since I am slowly warming up to this essay, I would like to share more about me but remain anonymous as well. My friend who introduced me to Steemit told me that I had to prepare my introduction and take this seriously. Memories of introducing myself to a lot of different people came rushing in and it was always an awkward experience for me. Why? Most of them can’t connect to what I am talking about. Most of them does not pay attention even since I blabber about gaming (MMORPG, MOBA etc), manga, anime and being a ballpen collector!
I thought though, well WTH! This is me introducing myself online, they won’t see my face, they won’t see how I space out for a few minutes thinking what to say next and they won’t definitely see that I am nervous and excited. Excited! Yes! And why? Because I get to talk about myself freely to strangers whom I feel shy about in the first place. So here goes!........
Defense of the Ancient!
You got that right, I am a gamer, a hardcore, eat-and-take-a-bath-later player. I didn't sleep for 4 days before just because I was levelling up my character, it was straight 4 days of no wink, no nap adventure. I learned to love playing when I met my cousins family computer. I used to envy him because he is everything I wished for when I was young. I grew up differently, to which I think contributed to what I am today. When I’m playing, I just don’t play the part. I am doing it, breathing it and living with it. My character talk, walk, express herself, mingle with people and do all of those silly descriptions above because I am her and she is me. Once I secretly and fervently wished that Sword Art Online is real, as in possible in the real world. It was my desperate way of escaping reality. Here I always feel empty, depressed and alone, I have never felt so alive when I am in-game. Inside I can be whoever I want. I can show my real emotions without being judged. I get to meet a lot of people who are like me. In-game, no one can tell me to behave myself this way and that, sure there are rules you need to follow but this part is easy as long as you know how to respect each player you meet and I am always enforcing that practice no matter which game I am in. Respect begets respect, simple as that.
My battle station. Where I truly live and fight my battles one at a time. A doorway to amazing and magical worlds!
Who says you cannot play and watch at the same time?! My big pussycat will gobble you up!
My reaction when playing DOTA and you are 5-10 minutes into the game, how am I gonna support and carry this time? ugh!
When Rylai did not bless me at all, made me miss on that arcana of hers T_T
The new GUI of DOTA 2, they call it the Spring Cleaning, looks good to me and I love the part where you can customize your own background and feature at least 3 heroes you love. This one here is Necrophos, he is know as Rotund'jere in DOTA 1.
Alynna Sheppart from Mass Effect 3
Had you ever chill out with Baphomet without hacking each other to bits and pieces? course I did!
Or you can hangout in the market with friends. Chitchatting and planning how you will dominate Emperium.
When I was a GM on one of Ragnarok's private server.
First photo with fellow GM's, the day I my application was approved and aced my interview!
Flying through the skies with a mechanical wing? Why not!! And while wearing a school uniform too :D (careful with my undies and do not PEEK! O_O)
Staring into the skies, silent and wishing that I will get gold gears soon! >:)
Looking godly and ethereal has never been look this good <3 _ <3 . And again, flying is my thing!
Or just relaxing on my super comfy and scaly dragon sofa right in the middle of the street.
Meet Sigrun, my loyal and and butt-kicking Eidolon. \m/
No matter what platform you use, one or too many, we are all brothers and sisters, a family. Gamers unite!
How I usually see my hand! This is true for gamers out there! :)
In the real world, I am always doubting, second-guessing myself but when I play, every decision I make felt sure and on-point especially when I am leading a raid or party during grinding. I even lead a guild twice. So far from the real world person you will see. I am surrounded by friends but I have never felt so alone. I have a family but I have never felt so shunned and rejected.
When I am playing, I get transported to a totally different and amazing world to which I do not want to leave from. When I am using this Hero, I am that hero. I know her skills, what items she needs, if I need to support or carry the team. I am her.
You might also remember me mentioning manga and anime. Well, it is also a different side of me to which people judge immediately and let’s face it cosplaying and discussing different anime characters is still not widely accepted as every otaku thinks. They will never understand why we call them bakayarou or baka and mutter chikusho sometimes.
These anime/manga characters are my circle of friends, they’re the family I never had. You might see me as a guild member today and a pirate tomorrow and then a ninja the following day. I can be a ghoul, a Shinigami or an alchemist. I can live my life in ways that even my overactive imagination can’t think of. It is a never-ending journey for me.
Yachiru Kusajishi! My favorite Shinigami.
Can you imagine yourself living, breathing, eating, laughing and fighting with them? 'coz I can. My ultimate dream!
Maybe I should add 1 more square and put my picture in it, eh? :D
Growing up knowing all these amazing characters will definitely make your life a little bit more interesting. You hate their enemies, you cry if they lost someone; a family, a friend, an acquaintance, a lover. You eat together, you laugh with them. And you fight for what they believe in.
So, why ballpens? Why not stamps or butterflies or something else? Why a freaking ballpoint pen? This is because I believe that the ink and the tube of each is totally different from other pens. A ballpoint pen’s role of sole function when it was invented was to “write on on rough surfaces-such as wood, coarse wrapping-paper, and other articles” (thank you Wikipedia for that). And I want to believe that I am a human version of a ballpen. Crazy! I know! But then again, I want to be able to influence people by “writing” myself into their lives, by leaving a mark of doodles or an intricate writing style that can be only achieved through MS Word nowadays. In many ways, I want to write memories, write stories, write what I have experienced and write about my life.
I am not the type of girl who puts on makeup, dress-up, travel around. I rarely post a selfie even. I firmly believe though that I am unique, I am one of a kind and I am born this way. Never in my life have I felt sorry for being what I am today, how I was before and what will I be tomorrow.
I even sucked at creating a fansign LOL! :)!
So, where does Steemit enter in this scenario? It turns out and I just realize this now (as in just now!), that I get to express myself here. I may not be playing but I think I just found the perfect platform to which I can convey and manifest my ramblings. In here, people always listen (or read?). There are people you can reach out, talk to and connect with. I guess in here, I will never be alone.
I got a lot of things going on in my mind, lots of ideas I want to share with you guys but I guess all of those have to wait. Please stay tune though coz I am going to share where I traveled, the latest game I've played, what anime I'm currently binge watching and which manga I am currently burying my nose with. Expect a lot of pictures, loads of 'em! Thank you for welcoming me and this is me taking a leap to my next journey online!
I got to prepare. I got to play! :)
