I once heard it said That you cannot be yourself if you do not know yourself. I have begun and transformation of sorts. Re-creating the person that had inhabited this body for 40 years. This was a little scary because I was with very little material items to show my success, even though I have been asuccessful contractor, a hairdresser, a life coach/mentor, And artist and published author, and it just an all around good person.
Who was I now? What did I want? What qualities make me, me?
In Napoleon Hill’s book, Think and Grow Rich, there are 2 main self assessments. The first pertains to the business goals you set for yourself. The other is more about your thought process pertaining to your perseverance and fears. I went through both with a fine tooth comb, asking others what I was scared to ask myself about myself. I really did the work and tore myself apart, refusing to lie or coddle my feelings like a scared child.
I figured out 2 very important things, Number 1. I had a fear of getting old, because I had not obtained a good safety net for growing old. And 2. I still had the belief that I could be great in my life.
But something still worried my soul. Since adolescence, I had been told that I was too aggressive and raw. I was used to defending myself because I was the defender of my family and it’s legacy. My grandmother had kind of given unwritten notice of this and at a young age, I was her back up. I helped her complete things she needed that kept the family “together”. For this I had to grow tough skin and a just do it attitude. I grew fearless as well. And my mouth and actions were sometimes considered manly. I really didn’t care about my black sheep reputation, hell no one knew the battles I had to fight to assist the four living generations to stay close-nit.
This attitude fueled my writing and my art. And helped me to create businesses and assist people with their growth. But a few years ago, the people I was the closest to, in various situations, began to let me know that I was hurting their feelings. The way I was, my attitude, my mannerisms, my “help” made them feel incompetent and sometimes just plain dumb. It was not that I was unaware of their feelings, it was I am solution oriented. I feel if something is hurting you that you can change, change it. But it felt like my help was not needed.
I shut down completely. My writing and my art became almost obsolete. My voice was stuffed away and my passions along with it. And my entire life, my productivity, my finances, my lifestyle, was suffering because of it.
I came up with a solution. I created a mental wall of defense until I could handle the reality. But the thing about walls is nothing comes in and nothing goes out. No creativity was going out, so no opportunities were coming in. I was beginning to feel suffocated and worthless.
So this year being brutally honest with myself, I tore down the walls! Not only did I use Mr. Hills assessments, but I took a personality test on https://www.16personalities.com/ that gave me some amazing insight on my Commander type personality. I am wired like this and now I can deal with myself with a new found appreciation.
Now time to make a plan on getting the first million dollars in my new life. Hope you join me on my journey.
To be continued...