Didn't mean to take this long (life stuff), but anyhow...
So I was talking with my dad earlier. He briefly said (in his... smiley form of sarcasm) 'What do you think? We need to suppress war to have peace? That's what people keep saying.'
Being honest: I didn't really respond that much or ask what was meant. 1: Talking with dad about important things tends to mean opening a can of worms where you're stuck in a conversation for at least a half-hour, and don't have much control over where the conversation goes. (As was the case when I followed up with him about a thing related to neuro-divergence/neurodiversity. 😑) 2: I knew I'd only be getting his side of things, and not the view of the people making the arguments, so it wouldn't be balanced... or even an accurate view of what the people saying that believe, anyhow. (I make a point of trying to listen to other points of view, even if I disagree with them. I'm not interesting in hearing what party A thinks of party B because of that. I'd rather get opinions from the source.)
So... yeah. This is based on a brief mention of something I've barely heard anything about, directly. 😅
Still, while I don't agree with his way of bringing it up, I do have to agree that it didn't seem right.
It didn't take long for me to ponder it and figure out my reasons why... and it's rooted in what I've read about psychology.
Immediately, the description of "suppressing" war sounded to me like "bottling it up." Even just going by that description, it probably isn't hard for most to get an idea of where I'm going with this.
Psychologically speaking, avoiding conflict - even on small-scale - is a VERY poor way of managing it. It doesn't really get rid of the problem - or the feelings involved. Often, it just tends to leading toward the feelings festering until they reach a point where they can't be contained anymore. Then things explode, and it's even worse that it otherwise would've been.
At best (if you could call it that), it means sort of walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around each-other, and kind of a sense of unease because you can only stick to "safe" subjects, and it's not always easy to know what those are. If one grows up in a household like this, it can mean learning to be a people-pleaser, never speaking up for yourself. It can also mean subconsciously finding you can't rely on anyone when needed, because anything bad happening is a no-no... and as Dr. K put it, life isn't a singleplayer game, life is a multiplayer game, so it can lead to over-independence.
Not to say that I think many fights, even large-scale ones, can't be avoided or minimized... but it tends to avoid being able to talk about the core issues and working conflicts out. Possibly with help from a mediator.
Sadly, a lot of us haven't learned to handle conflict very well... and even some of us who are decent enough at it will struggle with some else who doesn't begin to know how. 😕 Even if all parties are willing (at least in theory) to resolve conflicts instead of burying them or letting them escalate to where undoable damage is done, it doesn't help if the skills to do that are missing. Or if parties involved are not willing to do what's needed - which may or may not involve an unawareness of what might be needed, and unawareness of being resistant to what might be needed.
And the more people are involved, the messier things potentially become...
But yeah, before conflict can even be worked out, parties involved need to be in the right kind of mindset to do so. I've actually got a draft on what I believe is a key ingredient to making that possible. I'll try getting that up soon... though it may take a lot of editing to sort through the notes I've built up. 😅