Humans are some of the most social creatures on this planet, but step into an elevator, train or public bus and something strange happens: we fall silent, stare at the wall and ignore the strangers surrounding us. But in doing so, we might be missing out on an easy way to make ourselves happier people.
Through several experiments, behavioral scientists Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder demonstrated that we view solitude as a better option than engaging a stranger, not because we like being alone, but because we mistakenly think others don’t want to talk to us. As a result, we miss a chance to make our morning commutes more pleasurable, or even make a new friend.
Epley and Schroeder say we clam up around strangers because we misunderstand the consequences of engaging with someone we don’t know. We mistakenly assume that people are silent on trains because they don’t want to connect, so we find peace in our solitude. But as a result, the scientists say, we are exhibiting what’s called pluralistic ignorance: when most people privately reject a norm but assume everyone else still accepts it. In other words, people privately want to chat with strangers, but incorrectly assume no one else wants to.
The authors say that the best way to break down this communication barrier is through experience. The more people talk to strangers, the less they live in pluralistic ignorance. Cocktail parties, pick-up lines and other icebreakers exist to help alleviate this fear, but the more people speak with strangers the less they fear it.
So next time you’re in the elevator, don’t just stare at your feet; find something to talk about — it’s good for you.