Dear Amanda... As always I hope you are doing as good as possible where ever you may be.
Things have been really busy for me... But, some of it has been the positive kind of busy.
Speaking of positive, my father has improved a lot since the last time I sent you a letter!
I just checked and it looks like my last message to you was right when he got out of the ICU and into rehab.
A few of the major things to report are that he's almost done with speech therapy and is eating solid foods again.
His blood pressure is normal and has actually improved since he got sick and he is no longer on the blood pressure medication that he was on for years.
He has gotten better substantially with his strength and physical mobility and he is now walking every day that he can, his recent record was over 400 steps I believe and the couple times before that he improved dramatically each time.
He's up to 124 pounds and they have started to wean him off of the feeding tube.
We have been told that he might be able to come home in two to three weeks!
One of the next things we will be working on is having physical therapy teach me how to help him transfer from the bed to wheelchair, etc with a "therapy belt" I forget what they are called, but it allows us to hook up to each other so if he falls I should be able to catch him or at least reduce the speed and impact of the fall.
I'm a little nervous, but I'll do my best and it'll be good to get him home when he is ready just in general and also so he can sleep as much as he wants without being woken up every time some medical person comes in the room... I had a really difficult time sleeping when I was in the hospital and he has expressed similar sentiments.
Rest is important... So, I have a feeling he will improve even more substantially when he is able to get home and rest as much as he needs to.
The other main thing to report are the quests I've been experiencing recently and... Wow.
Not ready to go into much detail, but if you watch over me then you most likely know what's going on. <3
Life is quite a story sometimes... Even though I feel like I missed out on some things in life due to my OCD/fears/perceived limitations, I'm still simultaneously so incredibly grateful that I got to experience so many amazing things including some amazing things that most people unfortunately never get a chance to experience.
Meeting you was one of those things.
Meeting you was absolutely one of the most important elements of my whole life.
To me, you were different... I'm a bit reclusive so I don't have a lot of experience when it comes to social stuff, yet I have met a lot of people in my life and to me you seemed so much more different than most people in the sense of a sort of purity and kindness and also a super advanced understanding of spirituality and mortality at such a young age... It was mind bogglingly amazing just to be in your presence.
That's another reason it was so difficult to part ways with you... I didn't have enough time with you, I wanted much more. I only barely scratched the surface... I only got to see just a speck of who you are and that speck was monumentally profound beyond my ability to articulate.
More and more time continues to go by and I don't cry as much as I used to after learning to love myself more the last few years, though... As long as I'm alive I'll never stop writing you letters and never stop feeling immense gratefulness for you and the opportunity to have shared a little bit of time with you.
In regard to me trying to meet someone else in a romantic sense I still don't really have anything new to report.
I talked to a few women on the dating sites who seemed like they were excited to talk to me and then after a while they just stopped responding and to me that usually indicates they met someone else.
I try not to let it get to me too much anymore like I used to, I realize more than ever that I still have a bit of time and I still need to heal and work on myself more, and that... If I improve significantly enough in regard to my OCD and money situation that it will likely just happen.
Haven't made much progress in the money area, it's actually been going in the opposite direction a bit since my dad got sick and I've been buying more things including spending a few hundred on new drone gear, but... My OCD on the other hand has actually been improving significantly.
I can't tell you how much better I feel psychologically now that I've learned about techniques to reduce, avoid and ignore the obsessive thoughts. It's so amazing and sometimes I feel like I can see myself in the future totally cured or almost totally cured.
And, to be clear I still struggle with a strong amount of OCD, however... It's just improved so much in ways that are surprising to me and it makes me feel optimistic about improving even more and if I can mostly solve my OCD then I could much better address the money issue as well.
I realize it more and more that I'm getting older, almost 40 years old... Though, things can change rather quickly in life and I feel like it's possible that I could still end up meeting a woman some day and having a family and doing some of those things that I've wanted to do since I was young.
Also... Even if it never works out, that's okay too... I'm so thankful everyday just to be alive and to have time with my friends and family and eat good food and learn interesting things and dance and smile and laugh, enjoy nature and so many more things plus the "adventures" I've been on are so satisfying and rewarding and unusual that I try not to stress out too much about the romance and all of that...
I'm so lucky just to have a roof over my head and food and water and to be able to live in such a beautiful place as Sedona...
I realize that more than ever, and... Being grateful like that already is I think a helpful thing towards finding those other things I'd like to experience in the future.
When you're just grateful and happy to be alive and you don't "desperately need" romance or whatever it may be then you don't put off such a nervous energy... It's much more calm and harmonious and it's difficult to explain or put into words yet I can feel it... I feel the difference in my spirit between when I was so anxiously trying to make things happen and now when I'm so much more calm and at peace with whatever may end up happening.
I think that's enough for now... So much love to you always Amanda and best wishes always. <3
